Letters for Grandma — a take on self reflection
My grandma has a hard time hearing. She’s turning 89 this year and due to my naturally deep voice doesn’t hear me speaking. That’s super sad because I can be shouting into her ear from a couple centimeters away and she would not recognize, although she’s still pretty brisk.
Old problems require older solutions.
I got annoyed by shouting around, thus, I decided to write a letter to my grandma every once in a while. The obvious: every time I write her she is full of joy and moved to tears to get so much information about what’s going on in my life. Not only once, but to read over and over again whenever she wants. It’s a great medium to carry personal thoughts and to overcome the generational divide. I add pictures and personal notes.
But what I recognized while writing, it’s a great reflection for oneself. Maybe not on a professional or career level but on a way more important one. The question whether I’m living a life I’m proud of. The question whether I’m still proud once I told my grandma. The question whether my actions are ethical enough to not having to filter anything fundamental.
I found a couple of take aways for myself.
- Is my purpose more than passing butter? My generation (I think it’s known as Millennials) more than others strives for meaning in what they’re doing. For myself it’s a thing that has become more important over the last years. The fundamental question to be answered is: What’s the meaning of my actions and their impact on the world. I can tell my grandma, that I found it in leading teams to find great ways of collaboration. It’s something I do for a living but it’s nothing I would characterize as “just a job”. It’s more to me. It’s something I don’t care talking about to anybody who asks me after work. It’s something that integrates so holistically into my life that — at least for now — I could describe it as my primary purpose. And I can tell that to my grandma without having to filter unethical behavior.
- Is this the life I was imaging when I was young? Apart from overconfidence bias and the fact that it did not work out to become a commercial airline pilot, I can tell my grandma that every decision I took, was the right. It might not always been the most pleasing for everyone around. But it were the ones I could take with the knowledge and options I had at this time. Actually, the answer of the initial question is definitely no. But I obtained the awareness that reality is more than a plan I made up in kindergarten or university. I can tell her, that I’m as aware as I can be of the reality that surrounds me. I can tell her, that I can handle what’s happening due to actions I took. I can tell her, that I’m 100% behind those outcomes and hold myself accountable. Life changes, reality changes. It’s a mentality of sensing and responding as long as I’m convinced it helps myself to fulfill my purpose.
- Do people understand me? I don’t write her just about my job. It’s way more private. I tell her about my wedding preparations and about the people I met, and the vacations I took. I tell her about foreign cultures I visited, their different views of the world, and their behaviors. I try to translate from my daily Millennial language to sentences she’ll understand. It helps me to figure out if I’m understood myself. I can’t be a great coach, if I can’t explain topics in a person’s native language. And it helps to settle in a world filled with meaningless buzzwords, acronyms, and methods. If something makes sense to my grandma, stakes are high it makes sense to anybody.
- Have I given away myself? Rereading my words over and over again to check for typos helps me to reread my thoughts. Does what I did sound consistent to me? Does it make sense that I’m preparing a wedding with the girl I love? Does it make sense to spend my time leading teams through the complexity of reality? Does it make sense to meet with old friends I mostly don’t even see on a yearly base? Is it reasonable to fly around the globe for hours to visit foreign culture I probably won’t have touch points with in my daily life? People asking these questions should not have a bad feeling or conscience answering them with “yes”. Otherwise it’s time to dig deeper and start reflecting more.
I thought about writing this article the first time I wrote a letter to my grandma. I wasn’t sure about it but every time I wrote her, the feeling arose a little more. I think it’s important to live the best life possible and regularly reflect on the fundamental basics. It helps me to cross check if my grandma would be proud of what I’m doing and vice versa, if I’m proud of myself when I’m honest to my grandma. If people would do this more often, there wouldn’t be the need of a fake consulting industry or whistle blowing unethical behavior in large corporates. Dear chairmen and chairwomen, are you still proud of what you’re doing when telling your grandma? Or would you rather consider passing the butter to Rick?
