The power of inaction
Our first son, Sasha was born as a great Christmas gift on 20 December 2006. Like all parents, we were in seventh heaven. Sasha was a very healthy baby with a great smile.
On day five, his upper lip changed to a pale shade of rose. In few days, the spot extended and became stronger in color, turning into purple red. From seventh heaven we went straight into hell. We start visit pediatricians and in few day we were experts in hemangioma.
Beside the eternal question of “why?” my wife and I started to wonder, “what can we do?”. The situation was typical for a quick and bold call to action.
We visited the best doctors in Bucharest. All of them presented their treatments from carbonic ice to laser, to new and experimental yellow light laser treatment. All treatments come with a price, promised results and risks. Sometimes the risks were just statements like “we don’t have enough data, but so far, things have gone very well for previous patients”.
We were quite close to making a call and deciding the treatment but we had one last visit planned to a very experienced dermatology doctor. Mr. Dan Forsea didn’t offer us a cure, instead he gave us an important lesson of life..
He carefully examined our son then turned to us and asked:
“Why you want to make any intervention at all?”
We were shocked. What! Are you insane? Look at his face. We were boiling inside and my first reaction was that the doctor wanted to make fun of us. But, upon realizing this, he looked straight in our eyes and continued:
“Relax. I realize how you feel!”
And then, he calmly explained that Sasha’s type of hemangioma is an aesthetic one. It doesn’t put his health in danger, so why the rush of taking action? He put this in a very strong way: “I have the laser here, I can do it right now, no problem, but there is a risk. How will you explain to him that he will never have hair on half of his mustache at the age of eighteen? Because it might be the case.”
After one minute of complete silence he continued:
“So?….”
Our paradigm was completely changed! He spent the rest of the consultation describing how we might deal with social pressure and with our own fears. He explained how technology will evolve and, if it’s still the case, Sasha could have an intervention later in life. The human body is a complex thing. These are just bad cells that took control of a region. The good, normal cells will fight back and, in time, will replace the hemangioma.
And this is exactly what happened. Hemangioma become Sasha’s trademark. When he started to talk he asked us why his lip is red and we explained it. In the park, he chose to relate only with the kids that didn’t make fun of his lip. In the kindergarten he become more and more aware of his situation and calmly explained to his friends, and also to some doctors what hemangioma is.
Meantime, as his parents we faced a huge social pressure, sometimes even from our relatives. They judgeed us for not taking action with Sasha. We needed eight to nine years before this social pressure subsided.
In one month, Sasha will reaching his ninth birthday. With zero treatments, zero money spent and zero future risks the hemangioma is history. All Sasha needed from us was patience, faith and good will.
So, what’s the lesson?
No, it’s not that you shouldn’t take medical actions, especially when your child’s health is on the line. It’s about being skeptical, open-minded, trying to see things from multiple perspectives.
The human body is (indeed) a very complex mechanism. Brutal actions, taken under pressure, induce unpredictable future results.
Even the Hippocratic oath states clearly:
Primum non nocere (First, do no harm)
We are rarely gratified for our inactions and action is seen as the only source of creating different results. Not doing something can also be judged as procrastination. But in the case of complex systems that are influenced by a myriad of sources and generate multiple reactions, a basic cause /effect reductionistic approach may induce unexpected problems.
This true story was written as a service to parents that may face this problem.
It was also written to raise awareness, and appreciation for the power of inaction, a real power too often forgotten, ignored or perhaps not even realized.
Thank you for reading.
