The High Cost of Living
My Grandma retired from her job as elementary school guidance counselor and found her real job as a globe trekker, traveling off beaten paths right until the end of her life. By one writer’s take, the last two decades of her life were an uncreative, selfish drag on society.
Ninety years old, Gladys Block traveled to Cuba with a university group full of adults far her junior to stay in accommodations far from luxurious. The hotels didn’t have elevators. The bus rides were rough. The food was a iffy, save a true Cuban feast on the last night that happened to include burlesque dancers.
The 10-day academic trip — that’s how they got an exemption to travel to the island — was Grandma’s last adventure. Her bones started to give out and her blood pressure took on a life of its own. She canceled a trip to the Czech Republic and spent the last two years of her life around her home in western Wisconsin. She died suddenly one day in a bookstore, a fitting place for a voracious reader with an insatiable curiosity that sent her around the world again and again. She wasn’t much for advice, but she was adament about this for her grandchildren: Travel when you’re young, or you’ll run out of time.
Grandma came firmly to mind as I read a piece in The Atlantic titled, “Why I Hope to Die at 75.” Author Ezekiel Emanuel, brother of Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel and an architect of Obamacare, penned a lengthy treatise on his hope to die before he gets old, citing scientific research that the elderly are no longer creative and end up being a drag on their families and on society.
By the time I reach 75, I will have lived a complete life. I will have loved and been loved. My children will be grown and in the midst of their own rich lives. I will have seen my grandchildren born and beginning their lives. I will have pursued my life’s projects and made whatever contributions, important or not, I am going to make. And hopefully, I will not have too many mental and physical limitations. Dying at 75 will not be a tragedy. Indeed, I plan to have my memorial service before I die. And I don’t want any crying or wailing, but a warm gathering filled with fun reminiscences, stories of my awkwardness, and celebrations of a good life. After I die, my survivors can have their own memorial service if they want — that is not my business.
Grandma lived through the Depression, World War II, a difficult marriage, and a lengthy career teaching and counseling elementary school students. She shed her husband and then her job, opening the possibility to a new life. She studied, taking advantage of a life-long learning program to take college classes at a local university, and then traveled. She volunteered with the Red Cross and was called to disaster zones to help people in need, living in tents for weeks at a time. She explored the world, not in luxury, but with university students and professors set on immersing themselves in foreign cultures, all on a budget. At home, she wrote and took photos, attended lectures and book groups, and served an active role in her church. The last quarter of her life was the most productive time for herself, her family, and society.
The last two years were difficult. My parents lived two hours away from Grandma, who never considered moving out of her home. My Dad traveled weekly to take her to appointments, care for the house, and set her estate in order. Grandma often wasn’t grateful. She argued and criticized, at times was confused, and did little to ease these last years. The time away was hard on my Mom, who often stayed home alone, and there was relief for everyone when Grandma passed. Sadness, of course, but relief from the worry, stress and haunting reality a life was coming to an end.
Emanual understands the difficulties of aging and suggests death as an answer. His piece, in total, is an excellent summary of the challenges advocates for the aging face when approaching policymakers and funders for support. Why support seniors? They’re best years are behind them and they’ll only get more expensive and less useful as they age. It’s a losing investment better spent on helping children — the future.
But the lack of awareness and support for aging issues exacerbates the issues Emanual raises. University programs like the one my Grandma used to explore the world push seniors to build on a lifetime of knowledge. Senior centers, like Hannan House in Detroit, help older adults nurture creativity, build connections and reach out to communities. Underfunded care organizations like Meals on Wheels help keep seniors healthy in their homes, and police units dedicated to senior crimes protect the vulnerable population from financial and physical assault.
But senior services are threatened by aging demographics that are increasingly taxing available resources and structural issues, like poor urban design, that leave seniors isolated. These are fixable issues, but it’ll take immediate action to take hold before the crest of the aging wave hits America. Inaction will come at the costs Emanual lays out — costs that often fall to family, or public programs. Fear of aging and death cloud the issue, and that’s the most disturbing aspect of Emanuel’s essay. The doctor and policymaker used a widely read forum to write off the lives of millions of Americans. Just 57 years old himself, he advocates for a natural end to life while giving himself the out to change his mind when his time comes. It’s a dangerous opinion silently shared by many in positions of authority. Emanuel and others could lead efforts to rethink and plan for our aging population. Instead, he writes a shocking essay that succeeded in grabbing attention, but completely fails in leading a discussion on our approaches to senior care, community planning and larger issues of life and death.
Many innovative ideas exist right here in Metro Detroit to help seniors age well, age in place, and age as vital members of community. Seniors volunteer, vote, shop local, and even more start business more than younger generations. Hardly a weight on society, seniors are a vital, under-utilized, resource.
I need look no further than Grandma. Her end-of-life care was difficult, but her life was vibrant to her last days. It all reminds me of Neil Gaimon’s famous graphic novels, “Death: The High Cost of Living.” It’s a price worth paying for the lessons learned and shared along the way.
What aging issues are you or loved ones dealing with? Share your input and experiences and help bring attention to aging-related issues in Detroit, Metro Detroit, and across Michigan.
Aging Together is a project between MLive Detroit, WDET 101.9FM Detroit andModel D Media that explores the issues of older adults in Detroit, Michigan and everywhere.
