When we used to
Hey… Are you awake? Sorry for waking you up… I didn’t mean to… Hey…
Remember when we used to cry?
It was so much easier back then, right? The tears dropped, with much more fluidity. Now… it’s so hard for them to come out… so hard, that it’s painful. Mom said they were crocodile’s tears, remember? For a while they were… until they became tears of pain, then tears of nostalgia… But now… now they’re tears of blood… Perhaps that’s why it hurts. What do you think? I know you cry when I cry, even if you want to play hard. It doesn’t matter anymore, the pillar can collapse once in a while. Perhaps it’s time for it to collapse. You can cry, no problem. This time I’ll hold you. ’Cause anyway, we can’t end up falling. Have you noticed? When you’re not the strong, it’s me the one who supports you. That’s why we can’t end up falling. None of us wants to give up at the same time. Pff… What a hassle, right? Like dad would say “You neither pitch, nor catch, nor let the others bat”, right? Neither we get up, nor we end up falling. Neither we get up… although you have wings, you can’t carry both of us on the sky. What a shame, don’t you think?
Hey…
Remember when we used to fly?
I was so much smaller by then. You could grab me without effort, remember? And also, we only cried crocodile’s tears, which are so much lighter than blood. And then we flew, through the skies, through unexplored worlds. The first time I saw your extended wings I couldn’t help but cry. It was such a beautiful sight. It was like looking up and realizing I myself could fly. We elevated and watched the enormous sea. The light of the sun shone in a different way. Today the light of the sun only hurts us. It only blinds us.
Hey… Ha.
Remember when we used to see?
We looked everything, everyplace, without fear. Nowadays we can’t look anybody in the eye ’cause they feel offended, right? Why would they feel annoyed when observed? When we walk down the street, we have to look around, ’cause making visual contact is very uncomfortable. That man with the white eyes, remember? He couldn’t see us, but he knew we were watching him. He just smiled anyway. Remember? Remember when we saw each other? Remember when… we could see each other? Why can’t wee see each other anymore? Are you listening? I know you are. Can you see me? I know you do. Remember when we saw each other? To find out who could stare the longest, and we laughed.
Hey…
…
Remember when we used to laugh?
Your voice rumbled around, and people looked at us. And then we looked at each other, and we laughed harder. When we laughed without a reason. When lying on the ground, we looked at the sky, doing nothing, and for doing nothing, we did nothing else but laugh. Why did we stop laughing? Why did laughing became a compromise… and stopped being a pleasure? We used to laugh until our stomach hurt, remember? And we kept on laughing. And it hurt, but we laughed more. Why can’t I hear you laugh? You laugh? I know you do. Do you hear me laugh? I know you do.
…
Remember when we used to cry?
It was so much easier then, right? The tears dropped, with much more fluidity. I want to cry. But it’s going to hurt. Will you hold me? I know you will. I don’t want you to hold me anymore. Let the pillar fall into pieces, let’s drown in the abyss. We’ll learn to swim. And then, we’ll fly once again. Perhaps. When the blood stops flowing over our cheeks. Like when we used to live.
Hey…
Remember when we used to live?
