What I learned while growing up
10 things that have helped me gain balance
I turned 25 last week. In the past three years, i have had to walk home from work because i didn't have any money, flown a few times in a private plane (not mine), slept in five star hotels (not on my bill) and had to come home to what i romantically call my “man-cave” — a single room in Ebute-Metta.
Earlier this month, my team took a day aside to get to know each other better and I learnt a few things from that experience. About myself and about getting better. Then i made this list:
a. You have to earn it
“It” here refers to anything you want. Respect, a career, fame, fulfillment, love, money, vacations, a dog. This does not mean that you should stay in a crappy job or relationship but it does mean that you need to realise that you have to work hard to get anything. You don't deserve it until you have it and even then, you need to keep proving that you do. Oh and please remember, even if you put in the work the result may not come. Life is not fair.
b. Think about what your peers are doing but set your own pace
How else are you going to get better if you only “run your race”? The people running with you are not just the ones you grew up with, went to school with or work with, they are all the smarter, more good-looking, more experienced people that are the same age with you or even younger. Look around you, exploit opportunities to collaborate. There’s no shame in drafting to give yourself some momentum.
c. Don’t have sex
Kidding! If you choose to have sex with someone, make sure it is someone you do not have to burn bridges to get away from. Get to know people before you get intimate. *I am not speaking from experience, Dad*
d. Start saving for retirement
It is the farthest thing from your mind right now, I get it, but financial security is not stumbled on. It is actively sought out and carefully cultivated. I’ll assume you already have a pension retirement savings account, if you are employed. If you’re a business owner, get one right away. Get an account solely for saving, make automatic direct debits from your salary account to a savings account, invest in mutual funds etc. If you start now, you get the magic of compound interest on your investments. You do not want to have to hustle when you’re 60.
e. Be fiercely proud
Just don’t show it to other people. You will need your pride to overcome your self-doubts, the people who will put you down with their words, the people who will tell you to slow down, those who say you’re “trying too hard”. Keep your pride or ego in. Let it be the fire that drives you. Be humble to everyone you meet, be kind to those that need your help. Believe in yourself.
f. People really want to help you
Being sceptical about people seems to be all the rage right now but there are people who just really want to help you grow. Identify those people and get their input. It is more often than not very valuable and you create meaningful relationships, maybe even friendships.
g. Live within your means and always have an emergency fund
There will be times when you have a lot of idle cash around and are tempted to splurge. Please do so, but only at those times when you have a lot of money. The ability to live within your means, never spending more than you have is an invaluable skill that you need to learn. An older colleague told me once how having cash available helped him save a lot of money on a family medical emergency. Keep a healthy amount of money liquid, just in case.
h. When interacting with others, tweak the golden rule
I read something a while back about this and I’ll just replicate here: “The golden rule of social play is not ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ Rather, it’s something much more difficult: ‘Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.’ To do that, you have to get into other people’s minds and see from their points of view.”
i. Pick your friends
If this sounds cliched, it is because it is so true. The people around you affect you. they influence how happy you are, how driven you are, how ambitious you are, your interests, your eating habits, the network you build. They influence what your brand is.
Connected to this, is seeking out mentors. With most people, you just need to ask them. She should be preferably someone a little wiser, maybe older, definitely more experienced. Put a time frame to the relationship and agree at the end of that if you want to renew.
j. It is okay to not have a car — *cheeky addition
I did a quick survey of my male acquaintances about why they got their car or why they would get one. Near the top of all the responses was the, very correct, answer that it would make their dating lives easier. Thing is, if a girl won’t date you because you don’t have a car, she’s not really dating you when you do have one.
