Bridging the Confidence Gap
Guest Post by Michelle Liu, Stanford AI4ALL ’16
AI4ALL Editor’s note: Meet Michelle Liu, a 2016 Stanford AI4ALL alumna and current high school junior. When she was a part of her middle school’s FIRST Tech Challenge team, she knew that she wanted to be involved with the programming side of building a real robot. Interacting with her skilled team members dulled her confidence, though.
Low self-esteem that accompanies early experiences with tech aren’t uncommon among girls. Research from Microsoft showed that girls tend to lose interest in STEM at the age of 15. Anxiety, feelings of incompetence in the field, and concerns about being treated unfairly are a few reasons behind this loss of interest. Fortunately, instead of giving up on programming, Michelle worked hard to overcome her unease and became a valuable member of her school’s robotics team. See how she did it, and read her words of wisdom for others struggling with anxiety or impostor syndrome in tech.
In middle school, I joined my school’s FIRST Tech Challenge (FTC) team. When I first joined, I did not speak a single word to anyone. I was already an impossibly shy person with an inability to speak to a stranger without mumbling or stuttering. Those introverted behaviors were only augmented by the confident, experienced robotics team I was introduced to. Meanwhile, other new recruits blended in quickly with the veterans. They all appeared to know what they were doing — picking their systems, introducing new ideas, and learning from the older students.
I knew what branch I wanted to work on: programming. I had taught myself the basics online, but I wanted real, hands-on work with a robot. I attended one of the programming meetings, but I felt overshadowed by other programmers that were self-assured in their discussions. The programmers appeared to be so far beyond my skills; higher up on a mountain I could not climb.
Thus, when the coach told me to record our team’s progress in the engineering notebook, I agreed, thinking that I wouldn’t be any help otherwise.
I spent a month quietly doing secretarial work with the engineering notebook. I didn’t hate it, but I did feel dissatisfied the entire time. I wanted to spend hours brainstorming and discussing ways to maximize our points in the competitions. I wanted to write, test, and debug code. It was this drive that pushed me to drop the engineering notebook and join the programmers. Every meeting was still a struggle for me. I never felt confident in my work, and I was afraid to share my opinions, dreading that others would laugh at me.
It was a slow, arduous process for me to really become an FTC programmer. It started with the understanding that I could not go on as a shadow. I knew that I could still contribute worthwhile ideas and learn from the more experienced programmers. I forced myself to be more assertive by throwing out my own ideas and asking to take on more projects. These opportunities allowed me to prove my worth to the programming team.
I perfected the code utilizing the sensors to move. I ensured that the controls moved the robot exactly how the drive team wanted. Slowly, I found myself naturally being more confident, contributing to all discussions and taking on the coding projects I was once frightened by.
Although I did make mistakes in my code, speaking with the more experienced members enabled me to improve my programming skills and showed me that they were not unreachable in their talent. It just takes practice.
I have learned invaluable lessons from this experience. I began in fear of all my teammates, and I ended with amazing friends and incredible memories of planning, coding, and competing.
I hope that everyone can pursue their dreams despite their anxiety.
It’s gradual process, but finding your self-esteem will bolster you to achieve what you’re passionate about rather than settling for something else. It’s all about putting yourself out there, doing your best, and remembering that everyone is human.
About Michelle
Michelle Liu is high school junior at International Academy Central in Michigan. She attended Stanford AI4ALL in 2016, where she worked on Self Driving Cars. Michelle is the founder and president of her school’s first Women in STEM Club. In 2017, Michelle was named Miss Asia of Michigan in a scholarship pageant. She uses this platform to advocate for women in STEM. This summer, Michelle will be organizing her own summer camp promoting women in CS.
