[STAND] Proud
The feeling of being inferior is something that irregularly assaults my mind. It causes me to doubt while whispering words that tell me that, whatever it is I’m doing, and whatever I am, it is not enough. Since I was young, there were times when I felt that I didn’t deserve the praise people would sometimes give me. There were times when I felt that whatever I give to the world, will always be outshone by someone else — someone better — an upgraded version, per se. These malignant thoughts have plagued my psyche irregularly up to this day and usually strikes when I compare or am compared to someone else, or someone else’s work.
Looking back at it now, I think the concept of comparison, whether it was done by myself or by someone else, is the crux of the issue. When I compare myself with someone else, I would think “why can’t I become more like them?”, or even worse, “why do they have to be so good?”. These negative feelings could come from others instigating the comparison as well, and may hurt even more, as they point out things like “why aren’t you more like them?” or even worse, they hurl words and ideas such as “buti pa si ano ganun. Bakit ikaw, hindi?”. At this point, maybe you can see why these kinds of comparisons could affect us (I’m sure I’m not the only one) negatively. It doesn’t stop there, it also extends to works or outputs that are better than mine — or I think are better.
In my experience, these feelings add to our frustrations and anger, and we tend to take it out on someone else. This would damage relationships with people who may mean well, or to people who didn’t understand or know how we felt, but maybe even to people who mean to us the most. Not only do these feelings affect us negatively, but it also stunts growth as we become too afraid to step outside what we know we are good at, for fear of being judged and compared for it. We become afraid of growing because we know that we will have to start over again.
Here’s what I’ve learned in my efforts to deal with this issue. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s fantastic to recognize the source of why you are having these feelings because it might be a way, albeit malicious and negative, of your mind telling you in what aspects you may lack in. Because, at the very end, a reason why you may be feeling inferior, is because you are subconsciously aware of a weakness, which is something you can improve. I also want to point out that just because you have a weakness, doesn’t mean you have to immediately try to take steps to rectify it, even if it may be a source of these feelings of inferiority. Think about it, and try to decide if it’s going to be worth investing time and resources, especially time as that is the only non-renewable resource.
If you do decide to improve on a weakness, the most important thing is that you don’t demonize them. This means that you try to take your shortcomings as is and try not to associate it with yourself. It’s a little difficult to explain but maybe an example will help. If someone points out that you suck at writing, don’t take it personally and think that you, as a person, sucks. Instead, maybe you can take it like this: “oh, my writing could use some improvement”. Maybe you could call it a switch of perspective, take their words as something non-threatening to you as a person, but rather as something that points out things you could work on with could, being a keyword, as, again, you don’t have to immediately try to fix it.
Don’t lose yourself. This is another point that I must stress is the journey you take if you do decide to improve a shortcoming. Yes the goal is very satisfying and all, because you managed to improve a point of improvement but what did it cost? I will use a cliche and cheesy statement here, but nothing has ever been more succinct in the point I’m trying to make. It’s the journey that matters, not the destination.
Lastly, in comparing yourself in order to recognize a weakness, compare yourself with no one else, except you. Specifically, compare yourself with your past self. This is because of two things.
The first is that, it is unfair to compare one unique being (yes, I’m talking about you) to another unique being. Everybody embarks on their journey to growth in their own way, so you can’t compare yourself for taking the bike on the road to improvement to someone walking or taking a boat. Some weather the seas alone, others brave the heat of the desert’s pressure, and others speed along only to run out of gas (get burnt out).
The second is that, the only way to discover if you’ve truly grown, is to see how far you’ve come, from your past self. Never mind the people who could make you feel the touch of grass with their way of words, or those people who make getting a six-pack easy. Instead, take pride in improving the way you write essays, your growing ability to write short stories, mustering up the courage to go to the gym, and from losing some fat and gaining some muscle even if you don’t look very different. That is progress at its finest and is something worthy of celebration — of acknowledgment — and nothing should be able to take that away from you. So, [STAND] Proud, you have time.
