My Rebellion That Blooms for A Year.
How to take over the center and decide what applies to the Universe?
Everything was in harmony until the summer 2016. I was at the doorstep of getting my black belt in Aikido.
On the last day of the Aikido seminar, I got an injury. My shoulder was dislocated and my arm movements were very limited. I couldn’t proceed and take the exam. The critical technique was arguably well controlled by seminar host, a Shihan — 6. Dan black belt in Aikido. The old man is lethal as he is vain.
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, at the worst possible time, all of the time, without fail, when you least expect it. — Murphy’s Law
Maybe Murphy’s law happened once again in the Universe and circumstances were just not in my favor. Well, to hell with circumstances and rules of thumb. After a lot of introspection, I decided to tell my story — to take over the center for a little bit and decide what applies to the Universe.
Integrity as a virtue.
Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn’t blow in the wind or change with the weather. —John D. Macdonald
I have witnessed a lack of integrity — the kind of ethics you must nurture as a high ranked commission member, when you examine students for their new ranks.
The warrior’s legacy was compromised. Pleats of the hakama — a traditional clothing, reflecting virtues of Bushido — the ethic of warriors, were ripped apart in my eyes. Everyone in Aikido should have to think over those pleats and their meaning — at least once with each assigned rank as they progress. One of those pleats symbolizes integrity.
Your strength must serve your virtue.
Think of virtue as a precious gem with a spring attached on one end to the common body — our self. Our weaknesses pull it away and our strength brings it back. The closer the gem is to us, the better we are. When pulling force prevails and stretches a spring too far — it breaks and catapults the gem far away from us. It leaves behind only the empty space, while the common body is less sustainable and hard to fix.
Enthusiasm and commitment.
Wherever you are, be all there. — Jim Elliot
I’m someone who trains full hearted when I’m determined. I was so honored to get feedback on how my performance for the last two grades should serve as an example. It boosted my enthusiasm even more.
There was always something greater to achieve — more than just getting a dull rank, tougher than just being in shape, more than learning just forms, and more challenging than fluidity in techniques.
I cared more about proper bonding, the meaning, and the right feeling of readiness. It was a commitment.
I even bought my own wooden weapons when I felt the time was right, after a lot of practicing at home — in series for over the period of three years. It was the time of the great giving to the art of Aikido.
And so I bring the story to the doorstep of my black belt exam.
The Mortal Kombat.
The trigger for Murphy’s law fired when my heel accidentally stuck on Shihan’s hakama and ripped it all the way from the bottom up — but this time literally. Everything went on like nothing happened. But, somehow, I knew the tribute would be collected before very long.
Just a few minutes near the end of the last session of the seminar, during another demonstration, my attack didn’t go through the expected point. Shihan got really angry. He started to shout at me. His face turned red and he was going to let the steam off.
I repeated my last attack with appointed correction. The next thing I remember was a sharp pain in my shoulder when I hit the mat floor — tatami. The injury was categorized as a severe shoulder dislocation. Since then, I troubled myself with many questions.
To injure an opponent is to injure yourself. To control aggression without inflicting injury is the Art of Peace. — O’Sensei Morihei Ueshiba, The Founder of Aikido
What kind of teacher yells at his students in the middle of a demonstration?
By doing so, he risks decreased alertness, which can be a significant factor causing such accidents in martial arts. Where was the control of “aggression” there?
What kind of teacher demonstrate techniques and actually gets his partner injured?
Does he have the full control and necessary precision for his rank? I should be feeling safe at any time when working with high-ranked “masters”.
Instead, perhaps I can dare ask, what would be the survival odds for “opponents”?
A partner should be treated better, with respect, and milder than an opponent when comparing demonstrations to real encounters.
Otherwise, we are not partners anymore, nor students, nor teachers — we are not learning — we are not transferring the knowledge. We are just the lucky ones if we stay alive because we play a dangerous game in an uncontrolled environment — The Mortal Kombat.
Failure.
People cry, not because they are weak. It is because they’ve been strong for too long. —Johnny Depp
Part of me cried like a baby that night. I couldn’t demonstrate my skills and take an exam — after all the hard training and effort I’d been through.
I failed in the worst possible way — not because I had not “defended” myself properly, but I also got injured. I should have taken that fall better.
On the other hand, maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t even expected to be able to cope with such preceding circumstances.
The remaining part of me was bothered with the other possible outcome — receiving a promotion. I am not used to getting something unearned and for granted. It would make such a debt. Who knows? Perhaps, I wouldn’t come to his seminars anymore.
I had flashes of thought of how badly the old man’s “Aikido” was reflecting in everyday life and the other way around — except now I was the one who suffered.
You should have seen how the old man’s anger unfolds outside of tatami. I have arranged my accommodation for the seminar by myself and already have paid for it. And I was not paying over his organization, which annoyed him intensely — despite it was not required and none of his business. The anger was scattered all over the stairways - where we met by chance. He was after getting an additional discount based on the group staying in a hotel, but I was not part of that equation. Usually, people are expected to be polite when they need something in return — not him.
On another occasion, he let his vanity brutally come to the surface, at the gathering at the table dinner, obviously expecting only the counterparts. He was commenting on a less “efficient” way of doing a technique, which was performed by other Aikido school previously that afternoon. “How I taught them a lesson…” and “now, they must respect me”, while showing some shocking gestures at the same time. What a terrible way to earn the respect from others. How could anyone call this man a teacher? The teacher should bring the best out of students and not the worst.
I was under pressure from all sides and the strongest push was from the inside.
On the examination day, I showed up as good as dead — sitting on my knees — in seiza, with my wooden weapons put behind, and lasting like some little samurai till the end. My exam submission was already filed few days ago and I retired back in line, watching others take the exam.
Unethical.
Everyone was assigned their new ranks. Some of them were just promoted due to their “so far commitment” over the years. But me — I was an exception.
I believe you would be among the better ones. But, in order for this not to become a practice, let’s postpone it for some other occasion. — the Shinan, a commission member
A recognition of my overall abilities demonstrated during the seminar?! — I was pleased. I would be among the better ones — thank you. At last something good. Although I didn’t quite get the other part of statement. What he was afraid of becoming “a practice”?
I mean, you promote someone just like that — for granted; the ones who declared themselves as non-performers, but “contributors” to the cause of Aikido. Then again, you don’t apply the same set of “equality” rules on someone who is a performer and for whom you made a statement, “would be among the better ones”?!
It’s unethical to change the rules while the game is still running.
I know… there was a severe threat of something becoming a bad practice right there, at that particular moment, in the middle of the “game” — All of a sudden, it dawned on you and you had to intervene. The new rules apply from now on.
The event continued with seniors taking the exam for even higher ranks. It’s always a pleasure watching them. In the meanwhile, I had already started to reconcile my unfortunate destiny as being temporarily “dead”.
Outrageous.
The old man had his final statement just before saying farewell to all of us — saved for the end.
I have a great honor to promote my daughter to 1. Dan and many of you should be ashamed due to her skills. — the Shinan, a commission member
I was totally confused. The old man has just established new rules and now he breaks them again. He promoted his own daughter in her absence from tatami. She couldn’t take an exam because of having some issues with her foot.
Excuse me, how does that differ from my case? I was also having “issues” with my shoulder, although mine was a severe non-functionality, caused during his “performance”. Enough of whining — I said to myself — It’s starting to feel just fine being like a “dead” there.
Not only were the rules broken again but the old man’s integrity was at serious stake.
Maybe my heel stuck on the right pleat of his hakama — the one that symbolizes integrity and now it’s torn apart. Or, maybe the spring holding that integrity was stretched beyond the threshold and he has lost one of his virtues.
Anyway, what kind of host tells his peaceful guests that they should be ashamed of anything? The fee price for the seminar was just overrated. Usually, you don’t pay to be offended, or get injured.
Our kids will follow our example, not our advice. We must never forget that.
The inconsequence makes me sick. Outrageous behavior is so unbearable. Some new force was awaken inside me. It was a self-respect suppressed by me showing nothing but the culture at the time being.
Recovery.
Fall seven times and stand up eight. — Japanese proverb
The most important thing to me was to recover from the injury and catch up with training. After six weeks of physical treatment, I was finally in some condition to train again.
All the things I wanted were just outside my atmosphere. I was like in a rush, silly optimizing the future, having new plans, and torn apart between my work and training.
I was thinking — I will quickly level up my martial readiness again, take an exam as some hero, and with retribution, look at his eyes. To bow, stand up and be proud — the mental recovery really rocks. I could see some odd satisfaction there.
Sweet December
Teaching is a profession in which capacity building should occur at every stage of the career — novices working with accomplished colleagues, skillful teachers sharing their craft, and opportunities for teacher leadership. —Randi Weingarten
December has arrived and there was a new international seminar on the horizon. Guest Sensei, also Shihan, was paying a visit — coming from Hombu Dojo, the headquarters of Aikido. I’d never heard of him before.
My villain, the old man, arranged a two-day seminar in the honor of his own career — several decades in Aikido. I didn’t find much of value that concerned his career because I saw some irresistible holes due to the treachery of the way of warriors. I was bitter as hell out of regret.
The guest Shihan turned back-to-front and showed respect in the Japanese way. I was all over the sound of words and dignity coming from him. He was different — his energy was distinctively different.
It was like a dream in The Last Samurai movie. With Katsumoto writing a poem and with Tom Cruse watching from the side. I’m writing a poem about a dream I had. ‘The tiger’s eyes are like my own, but he comes from across a deep and troubled sea. Except, the dream was mine this time.
And yet our guest was enormously polite and respectful to everyone. He demonstrated techniques with a smile on his face — radiating nothing but positive vibes. The elevator for my spirit.
He picked me a couple of times for technique demonstrations. He was gentle, peaceful, and yet in full of control of the techniques, which made me feel safe and relaxed. The knowledge was transferring from teacher to his students in a joyful manner — like a dry sponge effortlessly sucking liquid.
He drew attention to not letting the tatami leave without his permission. He was constantly saying that teachers need to practice with their students and not walk around. No talking, no shooting with cameras — there can be only the practice. Oh, the missing manual… how to follow the rules of proper conduct in three easy steps. One should ask, what’s the name of their school and who was their teacher? It is the responsibility of each student and teacher to act appropriately and to honor those rules.
Once, the old man tried to further explain the details behind the technique. Well, after all, he’s the same rank as our guest and he is in pursuit of his next level promotion — he just couldn’t resist throwing in a comment. It happened in the middle of the translation being conducted. The guest Shihan interrupted him saying there was no need for another translation. Finally — someone.
That was the first time I’d seen the old man saying “sorry” in retraction. He didn’t interfere like that anymore. It was the clash of Shihans — the encounter of their different cultures. The bad was intercepted.
The Spirit of Japan was present and staying strong. The manners of the guest Shihan were according to the virtues of a warrior. It was not an inception — it was real. The Art-of-Piece ambassador was showing the path.
The New Path.
The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Don’t give up. – Robert Tew
There is still greatness and warriors somewhere upstream. We all should know better. We all must aim for the better as there is always higher. The great can build only on solid foundations. And sometimes you bleed.
With bitter disappointment, I turned down an idea to take exam under the old man’s umbrella. I refused.
When you step aside for long enough, you can see the bigger picture more clearly.
It’s a rotten system, infected with vanity, egoism, and cheap counts in resumes of its heroes.
The integrity is gone there, valueless is born — The king is dead, long live the king!
Without personal integrity, we are good as void.
I have to move away from the outrageous hollowness swirling from above. The path has been always inside me and I made my choice. The principles are worth fighting for and I am no different.
The Central Principle.
The philosophy of the school room in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next. —Abraham Lincoln
We don’t need unions and associations which are high on solitary careers. First comes the right understanding, a good teaching, and examples to follow — the completeness. If you don’t have a good principle, you won’t have a good school. It’s easier to color in from the beginning than to change the colors later.
The quality must be built in roots and we always need feedback on the system. We need mavericks to speak. We need to hear different things. We need students to be heard as progress is impossible without them. Thus, we need to follow the right teachers. We need better.
For the better to happen we need to change, keep the spirit young, and always strengthen the springs. Then, speak up and tell the story, train hard again, and color in along the way — Your spirit needs you. Be yourself.
We can easily leave a feedback and influence the system to become better. You point out the bad things and amplify the central principle. And if the system turns against you then you must embrace to be occasionally an outcast. Your decision only depends on how well you have strengthen the springs to endure until the positive transition happens in the system. Your spirit is the true shield.
I did something super uncomfortable. Something that scared the hell out of me. And I got better. — James Altucher
Exactly. And so I told you my story. This is my feedback.
There are short series with additional opinions related to this article on Medium here.
Assertive.
“You can perform techniques one way or the other. The important part is to understand what you are doing.” — The Old Man
He impacted the way I approach in studying techniques. The old man will never be my true teacher, but I have learned from him in the past.
Disclaimer.
Are there any non-Japanese shihan? According to the Hombu’s internal rules, the term “shihan” is applied to teachers within the Hombu Instructor Department who have reached sixth dan. The shihan rank, on the other hand, is a title that the Hombu authorizes for use by a certain portion of instructors ranked sixth dan or above within other organizations.
Nevertheless, my expectations from the old man were high and I refer to him as “Shihan” in my article.
If you liked this story, please click the 👏 button and share to amplify the central principle! Feel free to leave a comment below. You can subscribe to get our stories here.
by Aiki.Blog | The Central Principle in your Aikido practice and your life.
