Scroty the Scrotum — A Google Bard Screenplay

Every day, I spend a few minutes attempting to get Google Bard and/or ChatGPT to create humorous or morbid poems, screenplays, and short stories. Typically, it takes a bit of coaxing; however, this morning, all it took was a few simple prompts.

Prompt: write a poem titled Scroty the Schrotum

Bard:

Oh, Scroty the Schrotum, How doth thy sack hang low? It sways to and fro, As if it had a mind of its own.

Oh, Scroty the Schrotum, How doth thy sack smell so? It reeks of sweat and piss, And all things that are not bliss.

Oh, Scroty the Schrotum, How doth thy sack feel so? It is soft and smooth, And yet it is also quite tough.

Oh, Scroty the Schrotum, What a strange and wonderful thing thou art! I am glad that I have thee, Even though thou doth smell so very tart.

Prompt: Amazing! Turn this into a short screenplay

Bard:

Scene 1

• INT. BEDROOM — NIGHT *

A young man, JACK, is lying in bed, asleep. His scrotum, SCROTY, is hanging down over the side of the bed.

Scrotie: (singing) Oh, Scroty the Schrotum, How doth thy sack hang low? It sways to and fro, As if it had a mind of its own.

Jack: (groaning) What was that?

Scrotie: (singing) How doth thy sack smell so? It reeks of sweat and piss, And all things that are not bliss.

Jack: (sitting up in bed) What the hell is going on?

Scrotie: (singing) How doth thy sack feel so? It is soft and smooth, And yet it is also quite tough.

Jack: (getting out of bed) I’m going crazy!

Scrotie: (singing) Oh, Scroty the Schrotum, What a strange and wonderful thing thou art! I am glad that I have thee, Even though thou doth smell so very tart.

Jack: (grabbing Scrotie) Stop singing!

Scrotie: (screaming) No!

Jack: (pulling Scrotie off of him) Get away from me!

Scrotie: (crying) I’m sorry!

Jack: (throwing Scrotie across the room) I never want to see you again!

Scrotie: (sobbing) But I love you!

Jack: (slamming the door) Get out!

Scene 2

• EXT. STREET — NIGHT *

Scrotie is sitting on the sidewalk, crying.

Scrotie: (to himself) I don’t know what I did wrong.

A dog walks by and sniffs Scrotie.

Dog: (barking) Woof!

Scrotie: (to the dog) Go away!

The dog runs away.

Scrotie: (to himself) I’m all alone.

Scrotie curls up into a ball and falls asleep.

Scene 3

• INT. BEDROOM — MORNING *

Jack is waking up. He looks over and sees Scrotie sleeping on the bed next to him.

Jack: (smiling) Scrotie!

Jack picks up Scrotie and hugs him.

Jack: I’m so glad you’re back.

Scrotie: (waking up) I’m glad to be back too.

Jack: I was so mean to you last night.

Scrotie: It’s okay. I understand.

Jack: I love you, Scrotie.

Scrotie: I love you too, Jack.

Jack and Scrotie hug again.

The End

I Love You Too, Bard

A three-scene screenplay about a lonely man with anger issues, a singing scrotum, and a ball-sniffing dog? Incredible! I purposely misspelled scrotum as schrotum in my initial prompt because I did not think Bard would write it otherwise. But Bard’s introduction to the screenplay fixed this for me: “His scrotum, SCROTY, is hanging down over the side of the bed.”