Depression. Yes, this article is about depression. Like the many others you’ve been reading lately. Have you too been feeling moody, stressed out, tired and maybe a little blue? Then I assure you, that doesn’t mean you are depressed. Nobody chooses to have depression. Depressed people don’t wake up one fine day feeling gloomy and give up on life and everything they loved. While some choose not to do anything but lie in bed because they can, there are the unfortunate few who just can’t get out of bed because something inside them is lost or broken.
This is what depression is.
Priya was 5 when she contracted Polio. Her physical growth and development was affected and she developed a limp and spine deformity. Her twin sister Prema, grew up just fine and was a constant reminder for Priya, that she was the flawed one. She lived her teenage years confused about why she felt the way she did. Her sister teased her for being lazy and a drama queen. Priya grew up aloof and indifferent and hating everyone who admired her sister. She was told “it’s just a phase” but that phase never got over. She became a below average student, and her classmates always made fun of her. She grew up internalising insecurities that others threw at her.
Her parents were supportive, but they too had their days. Priya was always pessimistic and sometimes her parents were tired of painting the picture of a bright side for her. “Why can’t you be cheerful like Prema?”, they would ask her then. Priya used to hide where no one saw her and cry to herself. At 23, Priya finally found love and told her parents about it. At first they were worried wondering if the guy would understand and support her. What if he breaks her heart? They decided it might be for the best and got her married. After a year and a half, Priya became a proud mother of a baby boy.
But nothing could stop the fights and arguments that happened between Priya and the man she was once in love with. He complained that she wasn’t trying to be a better wife and was very selfish. He blamed her for being an unfit mother and would call her ‘ugly’. After 3 long years, her husband packed his bags, picked up their son and left for the US without even a decent goodbye and she was left behind in a mess. Weeks passed and there wasn’t a call or an email. A common friend finally told her that he had mentioned that he was never happy in the relationship and being around Priya drained him mentally. “I’ve wasted my life, I don’t want the same to happen to my son” were her husband’s last words to her. She refused to eat or talk after that. She would break things randomly and lie staring blankly out of the window. She barely slept and soon her face was as pale as the walls. The ignorant relatives who visited her blamed her for not being a good wife and blamed the parents for not teaching her how to behave as an adult.
Priya got into a fight with her sister claiming she is the cause of everything. Her parents tried to cheer Priya up but she only had resentful things to say. She spoke about death and darkness that nobody paid any heed to. It had been almost two months after her husband left when Priya attempted suicide for the first time. Her parents finally sought professional help and that’s when the organisation I worked for was contacted. Her parents were ashamed to tell the world that their daughter had a mental condition and decided to admit her at the institution. They left her saying they would visit soon.
Priya is still at the institution, and her family visits once in a couple of months. She has attempted suicide many more times, but someone always manages to find her before it’s too late. She waits everyday hoping her husband would come back with their son and writes letters everyday. What she doesn’t know is her husband is married again and has taken complete custody of the son since the ‘mother is mentally unwell to take care of the son’.
Such is the state of our country. Families don’t give any importance to mental health and even if someone is diagnosed with a psychological condition, all they do is try and bury it. People are more empathetic when they hear of a celebrity with depression but if it happens to someone in their circle, they scoff.
A recent video is making the rounds on social media these days. It talks about how lightly society treats someone with depression. The truth is, they concluded, that people would show concern and empathise if you are going through a physical condition but pass it off as a joke if the same person is suffering from a mental disorder. The video was very well received mostly because many people could actually relate to those responses. While the video made sure not to hurt any sentiments, it however seemed relatable. The virality ensured that DEPRESSION is first page and on top of your feed. Many more movies have their central character suffering from a mental disorder, comics and cartoons are also showing it in positive light. In the past year, at least five, if not more, Bollywood celebrities admitted to suffering from depression and battling it out. It’s a proud moment to see that all the efforts to make people aware are finally paying off.
But doesn’t too much of good create a bit of an evil?
The downside of mass scale advertisements destigmatizing mental illness is that the pace at which they are normalizing mental illness for Indian society is quite alarming. Not only is the society today aware of mental illness, it’s quite okay to have one, almost like a fad! Words like ‘Depression’, ‘Anxiety’ or ‘OCD’ are carelessly thrown about in media and casual conversations only to be picked up by the naive and used for the smallest thing. I once overheard my niece say she was fed up with life and is so depressed she could die of it, while talking to one of her friends just before an exam. I didn’t want to immediately discard this as childish banter, because maybe she is really depressed and she needed someone who would listen. I spoke to her the next day and asked her why she said that. She said she was “depressed” because she had to study, but since the exam is over, she is fine now. She is 20 by the way.
It’s sad how words have lost their meaning today. Our overuse and exaggeration has made even the worst case scenario a normal occurrence. Everyone is trying to be someone else or maybe better which is absolutely fine. But not everything should be taken as a competition.
It’s common to come across an instance of sexual abuse, terrorist bombings, murders or even acid attacks and be able to move on with our life without giving it a second thought. We have become passively numb to things that once used to make us cringe. We glorify everything yet don’t realise that sometimes discretion is needed. The grotesque pictures of people affected by war or disease are circulated on social media not just to create awareness but also for entertainment. Today an accidental touch is called an abuse, or a statement made by somebody as joke is blown out of proportion. So much that he gets death threats and needs protection from the people of his own country. So what happens when someone is actually depressed and is crying out for help but he is thought of as one of those who cries wolf. Would the voice of that person who is actually suffering matter or be drowned because she or he is just like everyone else?
