Is Ghosting better than Rejection?

“Put your phone away at least when I am talking to you!”

Everybody could feel the visible tension between the couple at the restaurant. It’s not a new thing though. You hear this a million times over. Worse still, you don’t hear it at all. And in the eerie silence is the truth of a relationship on the edge.

Technology has helped spin the wheels of love faster or slower, no doubt. What with all the constant talking and tracking, love has gained a rather new meaning already.

All my relationships were built through communication over the phone, messages, Skype and emails occasionally. Blame the generation. They were great though. But it wasn’t the heart skipping a beat, restless butterfly effect feeling that my parents or the classics talk about. It was all hidden well behind the glowing screens of the mobile phone or a laptop. I looked my stunning best on Skype and my display pictures were impeccable. And to hell with you technology, that’s not me.

Moreover, technology became the wall we could hide behind so effortlessly.

This takes me back to a nasty thing I did in my high school days. We were the perfect little couple anybody could think of. In a sleepy small town, word does spread fast and our amazing friendship was the talk of tinsel town, well in this case, my school. We were beyond perfect. We served as inspiration to young teenagers who were hanging by a thread to win the hearts of their ‘lovers’. We messaged a lot, late into the nights under the pretence of studying. We spoke a lot and we met a lot. We hung around hand in hand, through the lazy stretches canopied by branches and leaves. It was perfect. It was summer all year long.

And then all of a sudden like a shroud of dark clouds, doom descended — school was over and it was time to go to college. I moved to a city. We promised, crossed our hearts, and scribbled on thin barks of Eucalyptus trees that we will stay true to each other.

And I really wanted to.

But life is a nasty witch. And that’s precisely what happened. I fell out of my storybook romance. And he didn’t. I tried to hold on to it but he seemed too perfect for me to bear another day of and so midway through a conversation, over text, I told him that I didn’t know where we were going.

He was stunned to silence I assume because there was no response for the next 2 minutes.

“But I thought we were a forever deal”, he tried.

“It’s not you, it’s me”, I said. I want to pause here and whack the shit out of my then 17 year old self for saying what is possibly the worst and the lamest excuse to make for a break up, over text.

Another two minutes passed.

“Can I call you?” came the reply.

I went cold turkey on this one. Suddenly I didn’t want to confront him anymore and I did the stupidest and the easiest thing to do. I didn’t reply. He called me. I blocked his number. I unfriended him on social media.

I removed all traces of my relationship with him that lasted 2 years!

And I did it by disappearing (what is now called ghosting by tech savvy people). Initially I was proud of myself. All I needed was an easy, explanation-free way out of this and I did succeed. A few days later guilt set in. It was tormenting to an extent that I almost texted him. Of course I curbed my humane desires.

It had been 6 years. And then the worse thing ever happened to me. I found a young man on a dating app and everything was going absolutely well. I bet you know how this ends, and I know you are grinning, murmuring ‘Karma you witch’, but yes I was ghosted. He promised to meet and never ever replied and basically disappeared off the face of the planet. Oh boy, was it a kick in the stomach with heeled boots or what!?

Anyhow, two relationships and one taste-of-my-own-medicine saga later, I became wiser and definitely more human. So I messaged my ex boyfriend who I ghosted 6 years ago with no hopes of being forgiven. And there he was his smiling self telling me to forget about it and that we should put it behind us. How I could do this to the most amazing person, I am yet to understand. But now we are friends. He talks about his non tech-savvy girlfriend with much fondness and that still sends daggers straight to my heart.

But I am happy I decided to make amends. And I know this is extremely quote-book style, but I am really happy for him.

Less technology, less running away from real conversations, being brave enough to face any challenges in my relationship directly and not hiding behind the comfort of a phone — that’s me now.

For me, well I am a better girlfriend these days.