Love Doesn’t Judge
“No matter what, no matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep any woman of her feet” — these are definitely not my words, but Will Smith’s.
It does sound a little fantastic but why not believe in it? “Flower garland around a monkey’s neck, he must be loaded” — couples are judged all the time on relationship equality, true, but is it wise to let go of the chance to be with the person you love, just because you think your friends or other people will question you?
Many a times we shamelessly think to ourselves about a certain couple “Don’t know what he sees in her, he totally deserved a better girl?” Why is it so important for a passersby to find homogeneity in a couple? That too on the basis of outer appearances.
One way of looking at it is that people generally can’t accept exceptions to a rule. While choosing a potential partner or even when we fall for someone suddenly the first calculation that we do is “Is he/she out of my league?” Where does that thought come from? From our own insecurities or from the people around us who look at a so called unusual couple and judge them? There is even a term to describe some one who is judged on the basis of their partners superiority. It’s called Great Fishing.
Can you imagine? So your friend basically is super happy about the relationship he is in, not because he thinks she is out of his league but because he really likes this person. And all he gets from you is disbelief and doubt. Talk about a damper!
I know such a couple very closely, though for the purpose of anonymity won’t reveal their identities.
My friend started dating a classmate of his after they graduated from engineering college. While they were studying together they hardly spoke to each other. Due to some happy coincidences they kept in touch post graduation and that’s when their relationship took a turn. It sounds like a very normal story about two people, right? That’s because I haven’t described these two people, yet. In a popular sense the guy was what you call handsome. Not too tall but had an amazing personality and was equally good in academics.
The girl on the other hand, was what people consider way below average. She was quiet and mostly morbid in her outer appearance.
Both of them roamed in different circles and the class difference at university level, we have all experienced. With no common spaces in their lives, their paths never crossed each other.
The guy back in college had a love interest who was popular and they ‘suited’ each other. They were considered to be a handsome couple and attracted a lot of attention. The last day of college when everybody had a somber heart, the guy was wrecked too but not to say bye to his friends or the place which held so many memories, but because the ‘love of his life’ finally told him it wasn’t forever.
Devastated, he reclused himself from the entire world. He received a call from an old classmate during this phase of reclusion. At first, he couldn’t even recognise her. Probably, faintly recollected the name but could not place a face to the name. She said her name was Anamika. Tushar had to scratch his head a little before he remembered that ordinary face that used to sit in the corner of the class.
Two years after that call, they got married. Don’t worry I am not cutting the story short. It was a huge struggle before both of them decided to go public with their relationship. It wasn’t Tushar but Anamika, who thought it would be bad for Tushar’s ‘image’. The first time they went out with Tushar’s friend there was a eerie silence at the table. And let’s not even talk about Anamika’s friends. For months they did not even believe her that she was in a relationship with Tushar.
Even after the date for the big day was fixed, Tushar’s mother came up to him one day, “Think about it again. Later, do not regret your choice. I will not tolerate you rejecting her later because you can’t cope up with people’s opinions.”
It was to their credit that Anamika and Tushar made it. But this kind of public pressure and scrutiny can very well damage a relationship if not stop it from even forming. Relationship equality is a concept not to be considered. What Tushar fell in love with, at first, was Anamika’s voice. She is an amazing singer, but that’s just one of the qualities that he adores about her and anyone from outside would probably fail to understand it.
We should not judge our relationships with other’s eyes. We sometimes fail to understand what we need and go after what we want. To have found what we need in terms of a life partner or partner in crime is a gift. If our conviction is right it doesn’t really matter what your friends or family say about your choice as long as it is yours.
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