Love: Malgudi Days Vs Pokemon Go Dating

There was a certain day that over chai, my mother decided to let her two daughters in their 20’s, in on her little secret from the past. She was positively taking a dig at my father’s nature of overlooking her efforts, I believe. Anyway, she delved into the story about her college going self actually being in a romantic relationship when my father’s family came asking for her hand. We were horrified! Dad was still. It was a tense moment, if I think of it now.

She spoke about how she had a police officer ‘boyfriend’. Out of sheer astonishment and curiosity I asked her what her relationship was like and why she didn’t do anything about making it work. And then what she revealed is exactly what does not happen in today’s world. All this, mind you, while I was texting my boyfriend. Oh the irony.

“He’d stand 50 feet away from the bus stop at which I waited for my bus”, she said.

“He’d look at me”, she continued “and I’d steal glances too. And when my bus arrived, he would leave.”

“A dapper young man, in his crisp uniform” she added.

“And then what ma, when did he talk to you first? “ I asked.

“Talk? Are you crazy? Never” she looked offended.

“Our days unlike yours were very restricted and protected; we never could even imagine having a conversation” she clarified.

“But then how is that a relationship then?” I was genuinely startled.

“Ah, such was life then, we never spoke but there was romance alright, in the gaze and the patiently waiting.”

“Oh-okay! But why didn’t you tell your parents about it?”

“It’d be a lost cause kid. Our parents were not like us, so liberal (of course I am rolling my eye).

Look at you happily whatsapping your boyfriend right in front of your parents (how did she know?!). We would be beaten up if we dared do something like that.”

And she got up, cleared the cups of tea and went off to read her magazines. I sat there zoned, thanking the high heavens for not showering that generation’s attitude on mine. But how does that even become a relationship? All they did was look and smile! I mean I have heard of the hand-holding romantic era, but this was an entire generation behind that. And my mother’s memory so fresh, implies that this must have meant a good lot to her.

Today’s scene of love? Ugh. Don’t say ‘love’.

Okay.

Fast forward to a few weeks later, I am sitting in a bar waiting for a friend. In the meantime, two men have walked up to my table and offered to buy me a drink. After politely refusing over a dozen times and impatiently waiting for nearly 30 minutes, my friend decides to show up! She is beaming and I can tell she has news for me. After we are done ordering our LITs, she begins.

“Dude! Remember Zeeshan?”

“From Japanese class?”

“Yeah! I bumped into him yesterday and I might umm… you know..have a thing for him!”

“What is a thing S?”, I ask quite innocently, “ do you love him?”

“Oh don’t be silly, love is a strong word and it’s too soon to tell. We may be you know, seeing each other!”

“Hmm, can you define the ‘seeing each other’ permissibles?”

“Well you know, dates and all the fun stuff minus the insecurities and marriage dramas.”

Let’s take a minute here, I am usually not this awkward in a conversation. I am from this generation myself. It’s just that, my mother’s story is playing in my head this very moment and I really can’t help but compare.

“Anyway, besides that.. Did you know D is friends with benefit with her gym trainer?”, she rattled on. “Oh man, I have so much dirt on her, I mean it’s a no brainer that she is cheating on her boyfriend. I don’t know how she is doing it in a live in relationship, man!”

“Hmm… so nice weather huh?”, I mumble.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Umm.. yes yes of course.” I mumbled a little weakly, “You were saying, so D did ….” and peer pressure got the best of me.

My mind was as perplexed as ever as to why this shift is so drastic. Today’s scene of dating is such a stark contrast, in retrospect.

We talk so much through so many different apps. You can stalk, find common friends, common interests, and his /her activities, even where he/she is right now and yet, love runs thin. Why did my mother think that the man she kept looking at could be her life partner whereas we here, date for 2 years and break up and walk right out?

With easily-usable technology and easy communication, we are complicating our heads. Our apps and phones are smart but we aren’t. Phones for dummies, if I may. So with each advancement, our prospects are stacking mile high such that we don’t want to care about giving a single person our 100%. We also have so much to do! Please make way for the social butterflies, where even a date night turns into a social gathering. This is exactly why we find it hard to seal the deal. Moreover, internet is making way for so many stories and feminazi squads screaming how a woman and a man should be. Break conventions, be the rebel woman etc and are we surprised these are altering relationship norms? From equal rights to need for chivalry, we are as confused about feminism as we are about relationships.

Anyway, that’s a different tangent. Bottom line, the shift from romantic gazes to short term dating is so vast that it is bewildering. Someday, ten generations down, there will be another person dissecting our generation from theirs, and wondering how we dated like that.

Food for thought?