Love That Breaks You, Mends You Too

Love was scary, at least it initially was. That’s why I am more than thankful and happy about the long distance relationship I am in. Not because I rarely get to be with him (believe me when I say it is the worst place to be in) but rather because every time I have an issue, I know that I can fall back on him for nothing but the mental support. To have someone in my life who loves and cares for me as much as my parents do, is one of the best feeling I have experienced.

It didn’t take long before ego caught up to me “This is too good to be true!” or “I don’t deserve him” or “I’m not good enough for him”. It might be frustrating to have such thoughts, but on the brighter side, it just shows how much the relationship means to us.

Once your heart says “Yes”, it’s important to foresee the massive eruption of emotions that might follow. It might start with a warm, loving and comforting hug in the beginning, but relationships also include jealousy, possessiveness and heart breaks. Yes, we all yearn for peace in the relationship, but here’s the reality, the relationships that last have to endure a bumpy ride. The people who do not give up on each other during this phase, stick together for life. Love brings out our biggest fears, doubts, insecurities and confusion so that we can confront them and set them straight. And a partner who helps you face your demons concretes the fact that they are worth that effort.

Relationships are supposed to be like a blissful walk down the beach, right? Wrong! Part of the problem is preaching that relationships take work, but secretly hoping that our relationship would be a cakewalk compared to others. Not confronting our fears or talking about problems while hoping that it would go away on its own is, on the contrary, is just the start of the problem. Relationships take work from both the people involved in it. Today we’d rather point fingers at our partners than face our fears. No, don’t take the blame all the time, but we shouldn’t shy away from owning up to awkward situations which started with one thing — Our fear.

I believe a little bit of fear always helps a relationship grow. Here’s why,

• Fear means you adore and respect your partner and the relationship: It’s quite easy to take your loved one for granted. I have lived a relationship where unknowingly down the road I took him for granted. I also naively believed that despite this, there is no way either of us would leave each other. It didn’t take long before we started taking undue advantage of our situation and ended up having more fights than making memories. His fear of losing me might have stopped him from confronting me, or maybe it didn’t matter to him as well. When we think we are committed to our partners and we don’t respect them, it contradicts the thought and purpose of the relationship. Fear of losing someone, is sometimes what holds the relationship together. It’s up to us to decide what we do with that fear.
• Fear of losing someone means that they are something worth holding on to: When we are in a relationship we give it everything because we believe it holds a huge value in our life. We know that our partner is worth every second we invest in them. If we are not willing to put effort into the relationship, it simply means that the relationship doesn’t mean much to us in the first place.
• The same person who gets you anxious is also the same person who makes you fearless: Fear is what made love scary and beautiful for me. And when we fear losing the person who means the world to us, every other insecurity and fear seems minute. This makes us fearless. This makes us push down the obstacles which was blocking us earlier from accomplishing certain goals in the other spheres of our life.
• That fear also empowers you: When you find that person who loves you for you, you don’t care what anyone else thinks. When someone else loves you after knowing the real you, you end up falling in love with yourself. You become authentic and ultimately happier because of it.

Love is its own adventure and just like any other journey, we tend to learn from our mistakes, rectify a problem and move forward. Love teaches us those life lessons that we carry throughout our lives. This empowers us and strengthens the relationship. We will be able to explore the layers of our life, and hope that someday, the way we share our vulnerabilities, the love of our life would also be able to do the same. All this could be ours, if only we embrace our fears.

Fear is always associated with negativity. It doesn’t necessarily have to be like that. Sometimes it just shows you a clearer picture of your life which would help you excel in many ways. And if we aren’t taking risks and scaring ourselves, are we living at all?

If you are a single Indian looking for a meaningful relationship, sign up on Aisle to find your special someone.