Should We Long-Distance It?

“I don’t know how you guys do it.”

If you are or have ever been in a long distance relationship, I am sure you have heard that phrase more times than should be acceptable for a person to hear.

While they say that embarking on the skype and facetime journey isn’t every couple’s cup of tea, I am forced to ask myself that if two people are truly in love with each other, is there even another option?

So you decide to overlook all the tens of hundreds of reasons why it is going to be difficult and brave the LDR waters, hoping that distance will indeed make your heart grow fonder.

It’s true. Distance does things to your heart that could never happen if you and your partner were able to see each other often enough. Not being able to physically see someone when you wish to, and the acceptance (albeit begrudgingly) that you are not certain when the next time will be moves you into feeling a completely new type of love.

The love you begin to feel, which is one pierced with longing and clouded by the acute injustice of having to endure grand mountains and oceans amidst you and your partner (because we are all quite the dramatics in our minds, let’s just admit it already!), sets into motion a malevolent storm within you. Is this love, you wonder, because I don’t think I remember signing up for something quite so usurping.

To feel a little more in control of this pandemonium, you decide to take charge of the few outward things that you can. You draw schedules and patterns and try to chart time and distances onto them. You meddle in the ancient art of communication (aided by modern technology of course!) and begin to seek the sacred balance between knowing it all (because the farther you are from your partner the more you wish to know about even the tiniest things) and learning to give and enjoy personal space.

Amidst all the mapping and planning, life gets in the way and you begin to realize that there are more things out of your control than within them, and a relationship just cannot go onto a planner. Because no one plans for insecurities, no one can predict the exact measure of jealousy that can crop up at any given point of time, no one makes way for miscommunication and misunderstandings. But they all happen just the same.

You begin to realize that being far away from each other is a cruel joke gnawing away at each scab of yours, at every silly argument and irrational thought. Thus heralds the beginning of the ‘what does it mean?’ phase.

What does it mean that she didn’t pick up my call? What does it mean that he didn’t end the night speaking to me? What does it mean that he can’t fly down this winter to meet me? What does it mean that she thinks that there are other things that is a bigger priority than working on our relationship right now? What does all of it MEAN?

You spend hours, if not days that stretch into weeks and months, pondering over the hidden meaning of one sentence and drive yourself to a point of such insanity where you often feel that the only thing that you can do is to stop and just decide that it will all work itself out when you get to meet each other.

Which, I reckon, is the scariest thing you should believe because although a long distance is quite obviously not the ultimate relationship goal, always waiting to meet to figure out how you feel instantly leads to a relationship where you believe that the best is yet to come. The best is always yet to come. You gradually realize that long distance is just a long drawn out way to say limbo. You realize that you are in a relationship that is waiting on a relationship.

Yes, long distance is not easy. It isn’t easy for the cool cats who just want to try it out until it makes sense and it sure as hell isn’t easy for the romantics who don’t think that giving up is an option because his world is always chasing yours, and running late by eleven hours.

But who’s to say that it’s not worth it?

Over time, if you decide to stick out the rough beginnings (and beginnings could range from months to years!) you will look back at something that most people told you was not worth it and realize that maybe, it all actually was.

Long distance relations never allow you quick fixes, and the lack of physical intimacy often leads to you each taking turns pouring out your soul from depths you had never even explored yourself. Along the journey you discover some beautiful crevices and have to endure some ugly turns, but all along you had one person floating along with you. And sometimes having that one person makes the whole journey worthwhile.

If you’ve stuck it out in a long distance long enough, you are probably not the same person coming out the other end, and neither is your relation, but the words trust and security become an oath you will swear by and the delicate balance between independence and interdependence becomes something you know that each couple has to design for themselves.

So if you are moving away to universities across the globe or have just received a transfer to work in a whole other country from your love, don’t let the fear of distance defeat you. Give your love a chance to wear its metal and you will discover that underneath layers of challenges will be a relationship worth the keep.