The Bitter Sweet Never After

I recently met one of my closest friends for dinner. While catching up on old times, she told me about the feelings that she harboured for her best friend in college. Being a straight forward person, she confessed her feelings knowing that it might risk their friendship. However, he acted empathetically and told her he didn’t feel the same way about her. Though it was hard for her to accept at first, she decided to move on and concentrate on her future.

It is not necessary for everyone to turn out to be this mature to handle and accept the harsh realities the way it is.

What’s worse than unrequited love is rejection. Rejection hurts. Not only does it create an emotional vacuum inside you, but it almost feels like someone ripped out a part of you. One-sided love, or unrequited love as they liked to call it in the days of Shakespeare, is one of the most painful, gut-wrenching things to endure. To hopelessly love someone who does not feel the same way leaves you hurt, crazy for having the feelings in the first place, and with a crushed self-esteem.

Falling in love is not a calculative move. You don’t know how, when or whom you’ll fall in love with. By the time you face rejection it’s too late — you’ve already stretched your heart so much that you break down at the slightest blow. I wish we humans were better equipped to deal with negative emotions like jealousy, rejection, anger or even loss. Through all of these, most times its the worst side that is revealed and we often forget to deal with it in a mature way.

I’m responsible, or am I?

When our feelings aren’t reciprocated, our first response is to ask “what’s wrong with me!”. We’re very quick at finding flaws in ourselves and making them the reason for not being loved back. We get down to dissecting our looks, our personality, our weird quirks and habits that actually makes us who we are — the true us. The beautiful us. As hard as it is to accept, the truth simply is, they just don’t feel the same way about you. We’re all made differently and are wired to be attracted to a few things while not others. So stop trying to find what to change about yourself, and realise you’re just in a situation you can’t help.

You are no robot!

The second thing we do in such situations is to make ourselves think we’re crazy for having the feelings we do. Yes, you fell in love with someone who didn’t see you in the same light. Guess what? That means you’re not a robot. Feelings are weird, and sometimes you can’t explain where they come from, and most of the time you can’t control them. And heads up, if that person makes you feel weird or crazy for having feelings for them, then good riddance. Anyone who mocks your emotions is a person you don’t need in your life.

Consider the other relationships.

One-sided love can leave you feeling unworthy. It’s depressing to be amidst a whole bunch of people, and still feel alone. But we forget that love comes in so many forms — your parents, grandparents, siblings, room mates and best friends. You’ve got a lot of people in your life who love you just as much as you love them- if not more. It’s easy to let yourself feel alone when romantic love isn’t reciprocated, but platonic relationships are constant and powerful.

Talk and get it done with.

May be you are still in a situation where things are one-sided because the right circumstances never arose. You want to say how you feel, but you assume the answer is going to be a bad one and procrastinate. I truly believe if you feel it in your gut, 98% of the times it’s true. You could be pleasantly surprised though. If these feelings are driving you crazy, tell the person how you feel. Yes, it’s definitely one of the scariest things in the world to do, but it’s the only way you would stop overthinking. Think about it this way, if someone felt this way about you, you’d want to know right? I mean I would. You’d be flattered, not freaked out, so stop thinking you’re going to freak the person out.

Progress

Easier said than done, I know. And I hate it when people tell me that “time will heal all hurts”. But you know what, it does. Chalk it out as a learning experience. Know how much stronger your heart is now and how resilient you are. Move on, but take this experience with you always. Whenever things are really bad, frustrating or scary, my mother always one thing — it’s part and parcel of life.

Life is full of crazy experiences — some amazing, some terrible. You go through a lot of pain too — especially in matters of the heart. But letting yourself feel is one of the greatest things you can do and the biggest regret if you don’t. Life can be a beautiful thing if you let it.

As for me when all else fails, dancing to a song always does the trick.

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