5 dinner guests we’ve all regretted inviting
#1: The Flexitarian — The flexible vegetarian. He follows a strict diet that doesn’t allow meat…unless it’s steak, fried chicken, lobster, bacon, or cheeseburgers.
#2: The Seagan — The seafood-eating vegan. Often dissatisfied. Will occasionally indulge in expensive sushi, raw oysters and shrimp cocktails. Most likely from LA.
#3: The Master Cleanser — Real pissed, all the damn time (probably due to self-inflicted deprivation). Can’t stop talking about the maple syrup, cayenne pepper and lemon concoction she’s been subsisting on for the last 30 days.
#4: The Gluterina — The guest with the newly discovered allergy to gluten. Everything makes him uncomfortable. And he is obsessed with IBS.
#5: The Juicer — She exudes confidence from her pores and sunshine from her nostrils. Most likely a newly certified yogi who recently spent two paychecks on a three-month meditation program in Thailand that forever changed her outlook on life and her taste in interior decorating. You don’t have to worry too much about Juicers — they usually BYOJ.