Debunking domestic violence myths

By Shwanika Narayan

An estimated 35 percent of women around the world have experienced some form of domestic violence. The U.S. doesn’t fare much better, as seen in the graphic above.

Aside from being a serious public health issue, domestic violence is a violation of human rights.

We asked advocates at domestic violence agencies about the most common misconceptions. Here’s what they said:

Misconception: “Domestic violence only happens to certain people.”

Reality: “Domestic violence has no boundaries, it happens to people of all genders, sexual orientations/identities, socio-economic statuses, ethnic backgrounds, education levels, etc.” —Shaena Spoor, W.O.M.A.N Inc., San Francisco

Often, poor women and women of color are inaccurately portrayed as the primary victims of domestic violence. Middle and upper class victims may be equally impacted and could find it difficult to seek help because of individual circumstances.

Misconception: “Domestic violence is physical abuse only.”
Reality: “Domestic violence is physical abuse but also emotional, financial and sexual abuse.” —Preeti Shekar, Domestic Violence Counselor, Oakland.

While Shekar has counseled and helped many women, it hit close to home when a friend experienced abuse from her husband. “While her courtship was lovely and perfect, he changed soon after their marriage and when they started living together,” Shekar said. Her friend and her husband had recently moved to the U.S. He worked, while she waited for a work visa. He would lock her up when he went to work, leaving $5 in emergency money refusing to allow her access outside, Shekar says. He controlled her freedom. She was emotionally and financially abused, she says.

Misconception: “If it were that bad, she would just leave.”
Reality: “It can be extremely difficult to leave an abusive partner. The abused woman may fear what her partner will do if she leaves, particularly if he has threatened to kill her or her children or her family.” -Jee Suthamwanthanee, Asian Women’s Shelter, San Francisco

It requires nuance to understand each individual’s situation. We must consider factors like access to finances and emotional, sexual and physical abuse. People in abusive relationships have legitimate fear for themselves and their family’s lives.