Breaking Beats: Music that’s all about #WasteHisTime2016

Women all over the internet this week gave me a hernia from LOL-ing too much with #WasteHisTime2016. The hashtag explained how to be a boss-ass woman that can play a boy like a game of Chinese poker. Some of these are pretty brutal, but overall they’re amazing.

The internet is a bit divided over whether #WasteHisTime2016 is more harmful than funny. I find it funny, but maybe that’s the reason I haven’t had a solid boyfriend for two years… LOL!

This week’s playlist is for those out there who “accidentally” played with somebody’s heart when that person thought you were being serious. Whether you flirted when you knew you shouldn’t have, or led him on when you actually gave zero f***s, this playlist is for you, you soulless monster!

Britney Spears — Oops!…I Did It Again

Britney’s been playing boys since AOL was the main source of chatting up friends and potential crushes. Brit would probably tweet something like, “When he signs onto AIM, put up an away message #WasteHisTime2001.” Savage.

Nelly Furtado — Maneater

Nelly killed the pop game in 2006 with Loose. While the album title sounds like a play on Nelly’s sexual fluidity, it’s actually part of her whole “flirt with you until you catch feeling, then block his ass” persona. “Maneater” flexes Nelly’s heartless abilities in the most #WasteHisTime2016 way.

Kanye West — Gold Digger ft. Jamie Foxx

Gold Digger is the anthem for guys getting played. Sorry Kanye, but sometimes you fall into the trap. But he was laughing to the bank with this track, one of the most successful singles of the 2000s.

Paris Hilton — Fightin’ Over Me ft. Fat Joe & Jadakiss

Remember when Paris Hilton released an album? Sorry to remind you but this track is so #WasteHisTime2016, I can’t even. “Maybe ‘cause I’m hot hot today and I’m so so so sexy” is only something a sociopathic heiress who collects little dogs like Pokemon would sing.

R. Kelly — Same Girl ft. Usher

So what about the guy? Well in “Same Girl,” Usher and R. Kelly realize they’re both catching feelings for the same shady lady. Hey, it takes some serious nerve for someone to have the audacity to play both Usher and R. Kelly.

Nicki Minaj — Get On Your Knees ft. Ariana Grande

Sometimes you just want them to STFU, and Nicki and Ari make sure their boy toys know that in “Get On Your Knees.” Boys are things, similar to forks and hair ties and stuff like that.

Ciara — Like a Boy

If singing “Tell you I love you, but when you call I never get back” isn’t #WasteHisTime2016, then I don’t what is. It makes sense that Ciara dropped Future’s ass real quick after he cheated. #TeamCiara but I do love Future. Have you heard “Freak Hoe”? It’s pure gold.

Sky Ferreira — I Blame Myself

Sky is playing the “I can’t help it, they just fall for me” act with “I Blame Myself.” There’s so much angst on the track as Sky sings “It’s like talking to a friend who’s trying to be your lover.” Ugh, girl I feel you.

Miguel — Pu**y is Mine

The cry/laugh after the chorus says it all. Miguel croons over a girl who is obviously just using him for the sex/money/pizza/free stuff or whatever. They probably met on Tinder, so #WasteHisTime2016.

Fiona Apple — Criminal

“When a girl will break a boy just because she can” is the most #WasteHisTime2016 thing a girl could say. Girlfriend’s like #sorrynotsorry —I forgot I had a boyfriend.