‘I was treated to cure my homosexuality’
Conversion therapy survivor calls for an end to traumatic practices
By Mathew Shurka
June 2007. I am finally reunited with Jacob.
He’s driving my mother’s Mercedes E500, and I am in the passenger seat. I haven’t seen him in eight months. The moonlight is shining through the trees. It’s one of those perfect summer nights — like from a movie. All I can think is how happy I am to be with him. He’s the love of my life.
As he pulls up into his driveway, he looks at me with tears in his eyes: “I know you’ve been seeing a conversion therapist,” he says.
I couldn’t figure out how he knew? I had never told him that.
My father asked Jacob to promise he would stay away from me so that I could cure my homosexuality. I didn’t think my dad would go that far.
Jacob tells me he couldn’t keep the secret from me anymore. My heart sinks. I’m in total shock.
At that point in my life, I had already spent three years in conversion therapy.
The therapist explained to me that being gay was the result of a childhood trauma. It wasn’t something to be proud of. I was told I would never be able to find love or true happiness unless I was able to change.
Essentially, conversion therapists don’t believe in homosexuality. And after three years of indoctrination, I didn’t believe in homosexuality either. So when Jacob asked me to be his boyfriend, I said no.
I told myself I had to continue therapy to save my life.
I was treated to cure my homosexuality. I spent five years in conversion therapy, from the age of 16–21.
When everyone else was exploring their sexuality, mine was being formed by a therapist who refused to let me be myself.
I was told not to speak to my mother and sisters for three years to avoid picking up their effeminate behaviors. I had to spend as much time as possible with my male peers in order to be more masculine.
The effects of the therapy were severe: I suffered panic attacks, began failing in school and became estranged from my family. I was even given Viagra so that I could have sex with women. I thought I had a disability. Thoughts of suicide played in my mind on an endless feedback loop. I was at my lowest. This wasn’t the life I was meant to live.
In May 2012, I took a course called the Landmark Forum, a personal and professional development training program. The program gave me the tools to overcome the trauma of conversion therapy and changed my life forever.
I reconciled with my father and began to make peace with everyone in my life.
Most importantly, I learned what it means to be proud of who I am.
I eventually forgave my former therapists. I was able to share with him my accomplishments instead of my hatred. He had stopped practicing conversion therapy. In 2013, the Huffington Post magazine featured us in its issue on conversion therapy. We were no longer a former patient and a former therapist. We were two human beings.
Today I am an ambassador for the #BornPerfect campaign with the National Center for Lesbian Rights. Our goal is to end conversion therapy nationwide by 2019.
So far, three states and the District of Columbia have passed bills banning conversion therapy for minors. In April 2015, President Barack Obama gave his support to end conversion therapy. On May 19, California Rep. Ted Lieu and I presented the first ever federal bill to ban the practice.
I am proud and grateful for where I am today.
I have my family with me, I’m at peace with my conversion therapist, and I am protecting LGBTQ youth, not only by working on new legislation, but by pushing for a nationwide conversation that emphasizes love and acceptance.
