Tips from a stingy wedding guest
by Hadley Robinson
It started a few years ago. Cutesy save-the-date magnets and perfectly pressed flowers on invitations slid through my mail slot. So exciting! Having only been to handful of weddings up until that point, I couldn’t wait for the inevitable reunions with friends, the dancing, good food and handsomely-dressed single men. I love a good party.
The problem? It gets expensive. Flights, hotels, rental cars, gifts, dresses. Especially when they start piling up (I’m now averaging at least five bashes per year). And my friends live and love all over the country. Sure I want to go to the wedding, support my friends and be part of their special weekend, but often times I’ve been a grad student, or underemployed, or just broke.
What’s a cheapo wedding guest to do?
1) Find a free/cheap place to stay.
This isn’t always possible. But luckily I’ve had some friends who’ve offered camping at their weddings. (I hope this trend continues.) This means you’re near all the other guests for the after-party, you don’t have to drive home, and — best of all — it’s cheap! The downside is that there isn’t a great place to get ready. You’re going to have to bring your own mirror or rely on your friends to make sure your dress or tie is straight. But it’s worth it.
If camping isn’t an option, see if you have friends in the area who you can stay with. In Austin a couple of years ago, my friend and I were even invited to sleep at the couple’s house, since they had rented a place close to the wedding site for the weekend. Sleeping in the bride and groom’s bed on their wedding night: Huge perk (and not creepy at all, right?).
If all else fails, you can always sleep in your car. I know this isn’t for everyone, but I’ve done it. My college roommate backed out of a wedding at the last minute because she got poison oak and was bedridden. I couldn’t afford a hotel on my own in a resort town outside of Santa Barbara, and I didn’t have any other friends going to the wedding. So I drove down, got dressed in my car in a parking lot, did my makeup in the rearview mirror and headed to the ceremony. It was a great party. By the time it was winding down, I slipped away to my car and pulled out my sleeping bag. Next thing I knew it was morning, and I didn’t have far to travel for the wedding brunch.
If a hotel or rental house is your only option, bunk up. Get organized with friends or other guests. Splitting rooms or sleeping on the couch in a rented house can keep costs way down.
2) Skimp on traditional gifts.
This is a tough one, but sometimes it must be done. When I’ve spent so much money just to get to a wedding, it’s hard for me to justify spending another $50+ on a gift, even though I know how much cash the couple is forking out to throw the party. Now that I have a more solid job, I’m getting better at gift giving, but here’s some ways I’ve made up for it in the past.
Your presence is the best present? I don’t mean just being at the wedding. Sometimes I’ve had more flexibility with time and can offer my services to the bridezilla and groomzilla. For one friend, I was there days before and went to Costco, organized the wedding shuttle and helped load and unload food and drinks at the wedding site. I once helped put together gift bags for out of town guests. Another time I went with the bride to get a mani-pedi, and paid for it, which seemed more affordable (and fun) than getting some towels or a cutting board off her wedding registry.
Maybe karmically I’m screwed if I ever get married and won’t get any gifts, but I’ll also understand completely where people are coming from.
3) Repeat your wedding fashion.
Men have it easier than women on this front, but I also think women should just relax and be OK with wearing the same thing to multiple weddings. I don’t take fashion risks on dresses I want to wear to a wedding because I don’t want it be out of style next year when I need to wear it again. Though I don’t sport the same dress to every wedding, I have a few that I repeat.
I try not to buy more than 1 or 2 new dresses each year (and sometimes I get them at a consignment shop). If you have friends who are close to your size, it’s fun to trade clothes with them too. A dress your pal is totally sick of might be exactly the fresh new thing you need.
There’s also Rent-the-Runway, which allows you to just rent the dress and then send it back. I did this once when I was a bridesmaid, and it worked out well. But, you’re also paying for something that you never get to wear again.
4) Find cheap transport.
Obviously it’s great to carpool, if you can drive. But there’s only so much you can do about the cost of flights to a wedding. If you’re in a situation where money is tight but your time is flexible, you can try the name-your-own price option on Priceline. I did this a few years ago for a trip to New Mexico for a wedding and got a really good deal. But you might have to fly red-eye.
I’ve also finally discovered the awesomeness of airline credit cards — and just cashed in on some points to do a East Coast wedding sweep this summer: San Francisco →Atlanta →D.C. →San Francisco.
And, if the flights are too expensive, you always have another option: JUST SAY NO. You can’t go to every wedding. Sometimes you have to just look at how reasonable it is to fly somewhere, rent a car, and sometimes drive several more hours just for a party. Send your love, send a card, send a gift — you don’t have to send yourself.
OK, I’m off to my first wedding of the season! I’ll be hitching a ride down, and camping out all weekend. Think I can fit a full-length mirror in my bag?
