THE MISSING COMPANION.
As I was sitting idle the other day, I realized their absence for the first time in my life. Those voices in my head. Oh I am sorry. I did not mean to scare you. I can assure you that I am not possessed (at least not yet, don’t know about the future). You see these voices are my constant companions, or rather were, as I am not too sure of their existence anymore. They would regulate my thoughts, emotions, feelings, decisions, ideas, activities, fantasies and the list goes on. And no, it wasn’t just my conscience; if that’s what you think I am talking about. They were distinct voices that I would converse with. They were there to scold me, share my joy , listen to my secrets, comfort and console me, argue with me and help me understand the unnecessary complexities of life that I could never bring my brain to wrap around. They always talked me through every event of my life for as long as I could remember. But I can hardly hear them now. And what bothers me more is that I never realized when they ceased to be there.
This might sound spooky, but we all have these voices in our head, irrespective of our knowledge regarding their presence. They comprise of all three — Our Id, Ego and Superego. Am sure each one of you has talked to them. The only difference is that some speak out loud, while some like to keep the exchange of dialogues between them, confidential. It is these voices that make us introspect and question ourselves. We can lie to this whole world, but we cannot lie to them. And somehow they seem to have all the answers. The answers may not be delivered to us at the correct time always, but we do get them at some point.
The unique feature of this voice is that everyone has a different one. Each one is characterized by an individuality of its own. Ultimately it is this voice that makes each one of us a different person. And that is probably the reason why I lost it. And if you pay attention to it, you would perhaps finally realize its absence as well.
WE have all gotten too busy being a part of the “crowd mentality”. We hardly ever have the time to sit back and think about what we are doing or are going to do. There is a constant sense of meeting the social norms that haunt us. And by norms here I don’t mean those age old customs, traditions and rules of the society. Norms have changed now. And so have we.
I don’t mean to say that we have lost our individuality. What I am implying is that we have become too bothered about belonging to a group, to be able to acknowledge our own individuality. We have started living in a world where the number of likes we receive on our picture on Instagram, defines the type of person we are. And I am not here to play a blame game here. I very much accept myself being a party to the crime. It’s just my concern that I am pouring out here.
What made me realize it? Well since the past few years now, I had lost myself amidst the crowd. The absence of an individualistic approach towards life had stopped bothering me, until a wave of realization hit me. I was not really going through the best phase of my life. Sitting in a metro amidst silent commuters, I looked through the window. We were crossing an overpass. It is then that I noticed a bird flying in the sky. The dark grey clouds had gathered around and the rains were going to commence any moment then. But there it was, flying alone, with complete clarity of its directions despite the cloudiness of the sky. It was then that I realized that I had forgotten what it felt like to be different from the crowd. The idea of belonging to a group was too appealing for me to let go of it.
Now as I sit down to write this blog of mine, I hear those voices — muffled ones, somewhere in my mind. It is for them that I write today. A realization and maybe a quest that I have set out on to get them back. As without their presence in my life I don’t feel the purpose of my existence as a part of the blindfolded cattle that march to the drumbeats of what we call “ THE SOCIETY”.
