Satire lives here. Check back every weekend for fresh juice!
It’s really hard to be Nigerian.
I mean, think about the issues we have to face everyday. From a democratically (s)elected President, presiding from the abroad to awoof dollars showing up in empty flats to a House of Assembly member performing talk and do or is it Senator aje ku iya ni oje? What have we done to deserve these?
There’s some good but not so good news out of this however. Between a rock and a hard place, we seem to have found a way out. Finding humor in the midst of all the turmoil. Personally, I found quite a few things to laugh and make snide remarks about in the last couple of weeks.
Let’s call them the UK 35.
Kinda sounds like one of those musicians whose name sounds like they are legion when in reality, he’s just one hot tempered individual who has not been sober since Christmas, plays a guitar spasmodically and has no regard for the pretty little concept of noise pollution.
Before you will say I’m laughing at people’s misfortune, all I am saying is if the abroad doesn’t favour you, biko, come back home when you still have a choice. Before they post you back like a parcel.
We should now be called Federal Republic of Jollof Rice. See here and here and while you’re at it, check out one more time our minister of (mis)information, Lai (pronounced Lie) Mohammed has lived up to his name. Made in Nigeria, in London.
Now this is me thinking aloud! Where is (y)our fresident? Some white man says he’s kicked it in London. Addonbilivit but my own question now is simple. If you are alive and I say you are dead, won’t you come out and dance to Olorun maje? It’s just a question sha, let DSSSSSssssssshhhhh…not coman carry me.
But wonders shall never end in this country fa.
Sometime back, big money was found in an apartment in Ikoyi and a lot of dust was raised. People were claiming it from all angles but the real owner, whoever that is, was denying it and running away in every angle. How can you even be running away from such money when High Chief only spent about 7 years in jail?
Now the dust has settled again and harmattan has joined it and they have covered the money in swaddling cloth, so that it can no longer be seen with the naked eye.
Abi is it the case of Leicester City football striker, Ahmed Musa who has been playing professional football since 2008 (9 years ago), reportedly has two kids and just married a second wife but is still 24 years old? Haba malam! So how old will we now say Taiye Taiwo is? If you want to lie about your football age, Nigerians are skilled at defending the wrongest of things, just lie in a way we can defend you. You can’t be forty-two and say you are twenty-four. Don’t you fear God?
Or is it this one of Anthony Oluwafemi Joshua? Since he knocked out Vitali Klitschko, we will not hear word, they will not let us rest. Now there is Tinubu aka Jagaban vs Evander Holyfield fight. Wetin concern bicycle with filling station?
The last thing-but not by any means the least-worrying me right now is Wande Coal’s Iskaba video. I mean, why is he wearing a pink suit and trying to do like Bruno Mars? Doesn’t he know that there is a difference between Agric fowl and Okuko Igbo? And why does the song start like a yoruba commercial?
Oops! It has just started to rain here and there is heavy thunder and lightning to match. Let me kuku go to bed because I remember one of my university friends saying thunder “fired his television”. I don’t want it to fire my own.
Let it fire NEPA and all those politicians who say they will chop alone.
You know where to find me…