Obituary for a Deleted Selfie
Amy Konara’s Selfie, 86 minutes, died Nov 7, 2017 at the bottom of the feed after a brief battle with low interactions. She died surrounded by the taunting smiles of classmates at Melbourne Cup parties she wasn’t invited to, a bowl of penne al ragu and Becky’s cat Juju.
She leaves behind her mother, Real World Amy, and her selfie siblings: ‘Graduation throwback’, ‘Another one’ and ‘#nomakeup’.
Amy’s Selfie was born premature due to a dopamine crash following self-esteem complications from FOMO. Throughout her life she was afflicted with low instagram traffic on the public holiday.
She was beloved by her mother Real World Amy following the miscarriage of Amy’s Draft Selfie, who had yellow teeth after a misapplied ‘warm filter’.
Real World Amy wanted the best for her baby Selfie. She took her to Perfect365 for fake lashes and a cheekbone lift, spoilt her with a freckle reduction using moreBeaute2, before sending her off to Instagram.
Later in life, Amy’s Selfie’s caption was edited with a “likes for #tbh”. This gave Amy 5 more likes from her schoolmates, although real-world Amy couldn’t think of a kind ‘to be honest’ for Sarah, who likes everyone’s post anyway.
Amy’s Selfie spent her last days on like support from increased interest arising from her being diagnosed with #temp, which was edited into her caption. Amy’s Selfie garnered a few more likes for it’s temporary status, and spent some time as a screenshot in several group chats.
May Amy rest in peace. She joins her former best friend Sarah who was cropped out at birth, and her travel photos with Sam, her ex.
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made by replying to Amy’s snapchat story featuring her playing with her cat. Amy’s snapchat supports her self-esteem by using impermanence to reduce anxiety.
Amy’s Selfie lives on as the profile picture for a Russian bot that crawled her account and co-opted her identity.