My Friend Wants to Fuck Me

Now Everyone Wants to…

What the hell did I do to deserve this?

Seriously, I’m trying to figure out if this was a curse from some old witch, or just accumulated karma from all those times I accidentally fucked up other people’s lives. Maybe it’s the universe collecting interest on all those times I ignored my mom’s messages for days.

One week.

ONE FUCKING WEEK of freedom after discovering my ex had more hands on other women than an octopus at a hugging convention. And now my friend is circling me like a starving wolf outside a butcher shop, tongue hanging out and eyes undressing me faster than my ex could take off his underwear for anyone else.

You all know the story like it’s the 9 o’clock soap opera. I caught my ex cheating with evidence more obvious than an elephant in a china shop, told him to go fuck himself, and here I am, trying to piece together my dignity that he scattered everywhere like confetti at a Mexican soap opera wedding.

And then enters my “friend.”

That guy who was always there, in the trenches of my disastrous love life. The shoulder to cry on that secretly hoped my tears would pave the way to his bed. The ear for my rants that stored every sordid detail of my relationship to use as ammunition against my ex.

The one who always told me “you deserve better” while his eyes gleamed with the subtext “you deserve ME, horizontally, preferably without clothes…