Vatsyayana Would Cry If He Had Sex Today

The Kamasutra Wasn’t Written for the Insecure

What the hell is this?

I’m flirting with a guy older than me, in his early 30s, when he asks me if the “inverted lotus” position is the best way to hit his partner’s G-spot. Well, my dear, if you had read the book instead of just flipping through the pictures, you’d know that the Kamasutra isn’t just a catalog of positions for you to mount your partner.

Vatsyayana, that holy man who lived between the 3rd and 5th centuries, must be doing somersaults in his grave. The guy spent years compiling a philosophical treatise on the art of living well, on how to balance virtue, prosperity, and pleasure, and we reduced his masterpiece to “12 positions that will make your partner scream your name.” Fantastic.

“But you know all the positions, right?”

No, my dear, I don’t. And you know why? Because only about 20% of the Kamasutra talks about sexual positions. The rest — that part nobody bothers to read — talks about how to be a decent human being, how to build meaningful relationships, how to appreciate the arts, music, and even social etiquette. Shocking, I know.

Vatsyayana wasn’t thinking about your quick orgasm when he wrote that. He was thinking about harmony, balance, how to make pleasure an integrated part of human existence, not a five-minute event followed by a “was it good for you?”