Fighting Against the Demon named “Depression”
On a rare evening, seeing the kids of my neighborhood collecting pebbles and arranging it in order, I think back about my own journey from being a shy girl to someone who became overtly extrovert. Back then I used to be someone who was always high on love and energy, but things started to change soon. With several failures in career and heartbreaks, I became quite reticent and transitioned into an introvert. Talked less and kept everything to myself for fear of being judged by everyone. But it’s been years now since my last panic attack in the year 2011. Those days were terrible. I could not breath when the attack commenced, and all I wanted is to die. Nauseousness, dizziness, shortness of breath, numbness, you name it, I felt and dealt with it all. I began to build a bubble of safety where I felt comfortable and would not leave that comfort zone. My relationships suffered, opportunities passed by and I let anxiety win. Well, things are great now at my end, and I turned out to be a survivor of depression. My life began to change when I started to embrace my anxiety instead of being embarrassed at it. I am no more on medications and feel much liberated now. It wasn’t that easy when you have people around you who create rancorous situations to put you down. But it’s not impossible to overcome it. The process is slow yet healing one. Once you reach the extreme, you then realize that it’s time for you to fight it! And that’s the start! My depression has changed my life for better and I have started loving myself a little more today. The real point of me sharing this story is not to bring focus to me or my story exclusively. It is to show how simple steps of reaching out for help changed my life tremendously and changed my life quickly. The recovery process is time taking and there are no hard and fast rules. Most importantly everyone responds to depression in different ways. But the key to recovery lies in never GIVING UP on the situation.
Embrace and acknowledge your dark feelings instead of being embarrassed by it
Bollywood actress Deepika Padukone recently admitted to having suffered from depression and that too at the time when she was at her peak. While she has proved her mettle in Bollywood with her nuanced performances, the fact that she shared her story on depression so that others could benefit from it, and is currently working on an initiative to create awareness about depression and anxiety, speaks volumes about her fighting spirit and winning attitude. As she said, “Accepting it and speaking about it has liberated me”. But I know this is a little tough. Every time I saw myself in the mirror during the phase of depression, I saw what I wanted to see. I imagined a weak me who had lost everything in life and that thought would create a deep impact on me and would nudge me to give up. After months of repeating the same thing, I decided to stand up against this demon. How could I have let it take away my life, my achievements, and my everything? I decided to confront and every day I would ask myself some tough questions and tried figuring out what got me into depression. And you know what, after scribing some endless answers in my mind the answer I got was, “me.” It was me who gave in to the atrocities and decided to become a loser. I decided to stop fighting, and I was to be blamed since I accepted defeat without even taking a step to kill the growling monster inside me. When I started embracing my feelings, I developed an urge to get rid of those feelings. Call it a miracle or mechanism; my mind became the weapon to fight with it. I felt overwhelmed and got stronger. Anxiety is not negative that you should be ashamed off and when you try resisting it, that’s when it takes control of your life. While I felt liberated after I started embracing it and gradually pulling it out of my system I want everyone who is now dealing with depression to come out and fight back. Do not hide it and let it spoil the garden of your mind. Embrace your feelings and get rid of the toxin disguised as depression.
Getting over your complexes:
Remember the quote,” you are greater than you think you are”? Well, it holds very true if you do some introspection with regards to your own life. There is a phase when each one of becoming familiar with our complexes. Sometimes our low perceived social status, unfavorable social comparisons, and that feeling when you are unable to escape a negative circumstance can often bog us down. It can lead to recurring depression. Well, for me this phase was brief and stayed for quite a long time. This wasn’t easy since there will be situations that will keep coming and break you down in between your attempts to overcome it. There shall be bouts of anger and emotional outbursts. You delineate and shut yourself off from the external world.
But after some time, I took a call and decided to swindle my complexes. I decided to roll up my sleeves and get over my personality drawbacks. See, once you have experienced a low phase in your life, you don’t feel bogged down by your negative traits. Instead you feel comfortable in your own skin and I felt the same. I started talking to myself. Yes, sounds crazy, right? But I happen to think it quite healthy for your mind. Self-talk is powerful. I feel it’s sane and quite beneficial to find that voice of reason and give it airtime, letting it be your guide. Moreover, you get motivated. There are the three things I still keep repeating to myself; I can do this, I can’t let it affect me, I am the best! Well, few might not agree with me on this, but trust me self-talking does help. The choice is yours whether you use it to your advantage or your detriment. Don’t use it against yourself. You’ll be much happier if you always make it a point to treat yourself with respect and kindness.
A daily dose of motivation:
The pain and ferocity of bouts were very strong during nights when I used to struggle to sleep. It used to double at night, and I remember drenching my pillows every time a dark thought triggered the gray monster in me. But you know, the thing that always saved me, was a daily dose of motivation. I read motivational quotes online and started abiding it. I used to carry motivational cards with me, and every time I felt low I would read some of the inspiring quotes and get going. After having been through depression, I can now say positive affirmations help you a great deal in overcoming the negative chain of thoughts and stay motivated.
Become a kid again!
While you can’t force yourself to have fun or experience pleasure, you can always go back to your childhood and recall a few things that you used to do and which made you happy. Be it painting or dancing to one of your favorite numbers. Something that gets you the smile you lost. Well, you might be surprised at seeing how much better you feel once you let loose yourself in the world of your childhood. Trust me I became this crazy kid who turned very naïve towards people’s judgment, and in fact, I stopped caring about people’s perceptions. I could feel the seething energy in me ensnared by own efforts to stay happy. And with time, I became a more organized and even a happier person. I could work more now and with more zest!
Gear up to run!
When you have anxiety or depression, exercise often seems like the last thing you want to do. But girls trust me; exercise can make a big difference in improving your mood swings and reducing anxiety. Exercise is a distraction that can get you away from the cycle of negative thoughts that feed anxiety and depression. If you think the gym may not be a good idea for you to start, you can think of any exercise and find ways to add small amounts of physical activity throughout your day. For example, take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park a little farther away from work to fit in a short walk. Or, if you live close to your job, consider walking to work. Exercise stimulates the release of many of the brain chemicals thought to be in low supply when someone is battling depression. During my depression phase, I stopped running and began gaining weight and falling out of shape. This had doubled my stress levels. But this time, I sought something different for me. I decided to spend my time with my body. And my exercises were able to get me moving again, mentally and physically. Had it not been for the depression phase, I wouldn’t have valued my body so much. I now feel overly charged to achieve more!
The sole reason I have written this piece is that someone who is depressed or knows someone who is depressed might see it and work towards fighting the demon, DEPRESSION. Having been through depression, I will say that as hard as it is, IT CAN BE DEFEATED. So, come out and have peace with your thoughts and emerge as a winner again!
