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I’m Your Boss, and I Will Be Docking Your Pay Check Retroactively Because I Said So
It turns out you owe ME money
Company Memo
To Whom it May Concern:
Please inform all staff that from this day forward we will be docking their pay in several circumstances that will become clear once we decide what they are.
On Tuesday from 11:28 p.m. to 11:46 p.m., several employees were gossiping by the water cooler about the season finale of The White Lotus. We know this because we overheard and chimed in our own opinions, which no one seemed to back us up on. How dare they. For this infraction they will not be paid.
Last Friday between 4:44 and 4:51, several employees were caught glancing at the clock an excessive amount of times. Some could be seen mouthing a countdown. This kind of insubordination will no longer be tolerated or paid for by us.
Every Monday from 9:15 a.m. to 9:20 a.m. Lloyd from accounting can audibly be heard decrying to no one in particular “Put me out of my damn misery, end it!”. This is not good for company morale, and so we have decided to dock everyone’s pay for this buzzkill as a reminder that if you should doubt the goodwill and success of the company, you are to stare at a poster of a kitten in a plant pot until you feel…
