How Not To Find Happiness

What Most People Do Wrong For Finding Happiness

Rahul Abhishek

Published in

Answers to Life

7 min readSep 1, 2018

I do not have the correct answer(s) for you and there’s a reason.

I’ve been on this crazy pursuit of happiness and I’ve made my mistakes. That’s why I’ll tell you right now what you shouldn’t do because I’ve learned things from the mistakes and I think I should share it to the World.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you what to do exactly but I can surely tell what you might think will give happiness but actually won’t.

What do you think is happiness?

Take a pause, think about everything that has made you happy till date.

Think more. Think again.

What do you think is common in all those things? Or is there anything common at all in those things?

There is. There is something common. All of them are exclusive to you. It made YOU happy. Specifically, you.

Therefore, you must understand that what happiness means to you might not mean the same to someone else like your parents, siblings or your friends.

So, it’s okay if no one understands why suddenly something starts making you happy and how sometimes no one is able to look at the tears behind the smiling face.

Expecting Wrong People To Be Empathetic

Once in a while, a time will come when everything will come falling down and there would be no one helping you.

This happens with everyone and you’re not special.

That’s the worst thing you can say to anyone.

Rather stay away from people who say, “This happens with everyone and you’re not special.”

Yes, everyone goes through something similar but it’s never the same. Never.

It’s important to acknowledge people’s pain but it really doesn’t happen most of the times which often leads to person not just feeling upset about her/his problems in the first place but also when she/he tries to look out for help and see that no one is acknowledging her/his grief, it often leads to depression.

Why does it happen? Humans look for approval and help from fellow humans and most people will never understand you because empathy and understanding is rare.

You might think if you are suffering and tell people about it help will come. That’s not how the World works. Rather people just might tell you to shut your mouth and tell you do something about it.

They won’t be wrong but they aren’t right either because understanding the power of empathy is not easy.

Doesn’t matter how old your friendship is, how close you are with your siblings, how well you know your love partner. It doesn’t mean they will always understand you.

Stop relying yourself on these people. Find the right ones.

Expecting Your Loved Ones To Understand You

Do you feel like people like you and love you but not really understand you?

I’m a kitchen sink. You don’t know what that means because what a kitchen sink to you is not a kitchen sink to me. Okay, friend? – Kitchen Sink, Twenty One Pilots

It’s a song by an American modern alternative genre musical-duo, Twenty One Pilots.

They write so to explain that no can understand your struggles, your beliefs, your thinking because all those thoughts are your own and not anyone else’s.

They are absolutely right.

You have to be really lucky if your best-friend understands you. Also, you have to be lucky first to have someone that you can call your best friend.

Understanding is rare because it’s not easy.

It takes work. It takes effort for someone to look behind the words that come out of your mouth and look right into your heart.

Understanding doesn’t mean if a person understands what you say but rather understands what you often not say.

Understanding doesn’t mean a person would always understand you but rather it means that the person will always try to understand you and your feelings.

The important thing here is to try.

More importantly you should understand that even the people who love you most and care for you and put in the efforts to understand you would sometimes fail to understand you.

Next time your friend, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, partner or any other close person doesn’t understand you, do not think that they don’t love you anymore. Simply, remind yourself this and remember to communicate properly so they can understand you a little better and in doing so even if they don’t understand you, you will understand yourself a little better.

It happens so because people see and understand things from their own perspective.

Expecting People To Be There At All

Loneliness haunts us all.

Most people hate people with negative emotions.

People have considered me fairly positive but when I tell them, I feel upset or sad. Everyone wants me to be okay but won’t really do things that I think I did for them or I would have done if I’d been in their places.

My mistake was to think that anyone can help me if I just scream my heart out.

Unfortunately, the World doesn’t work that way at all.

It’s your kitchen sink and no matter how much people tell you there’ll be there for you, they won’t be.

People have priorities and they have their own life and you expect them to be there for you leaving it all for you. You have to really lucky if that ever happens.

I’ve cried, begged and screamed for help on my knees only to understand that the more you cry, beg and scream, the farther they’ll go away.

So understand that there’ll be times, when only you would be there for yourself and no one else. Don’t loose faith.

People would tell you that there’ll be there but they won’t be and if you believe their lie, you’ll probably end up feeling miserable and alone all over again.

Not Leaving People Who Don’t Understand You

Expectations can kill your happiness.

If you have people who are close to you and claim that they’ll always be one call away but really just are away when you need them, let them go.

It’s okay to understand that not everyone can make you happy even if the same people would always say that they want to you be happy.

You’ll keep expecting, they’ll keep breaking the expectations.

You know who they are. Don’t cut them out your life but understand that if they have shown sign of problems in helping you, it’s often for a reason and the reason is they care, just not really care.

Stop running for help to these people. Stop expecting from these people. Stop.

Let them go.

We carry a lot of tension in our necks and shoulders, and it won’t be going anywhere until we find out what issues we’ve been avoiding. Sometimes that involves the people we have in our lives, and the inconvenient conversations we’ve been avoiding as to whether we should still be around them. Having history with someone doesn’t automatically entitle them to having a future with you, especially if your present is less than pleasant.

The most important decisions we make in life will generally involve immediate discomfort for something better in the long run, that includes letting go of people in our lives.

Sometimes it’s not even letting go of them, but letting them go, because they also see that you’re both headed in different directions.

This can be a lover, friend, partner, co-worker, or even a personal trainer. Whoever it is, recognize when the relationship has run it’s course, show gratitude for the time you had together and move on.

It’s easier said than done, but that’s pretty much everything worthwhile in life.

Remember There’s Hope

Just Live

Stop living in the past’s grief. Stop living in the future’s anxiety. Live in the spectacular NOW.

You can’t do anything in the past. You can just think and learn.

You can’t do anything in the future. You can just think and plan.

The present is where the magic happens.

Present is where the possibilities of things are always alive.

Focus only in the NOW, the spectacular NOW.

Good People Exist

Empathy is on the brink of extinction but there are people who have empathy. People who will understand you. People who go all out to understand you.

These people would try to put themselves in your shoes and understand your pain. They’ll cry with you and will give you a helping hand. They will.

You’ll find people on whom you can rely completely and they would only welcome you with warmth and only help you grow through it.

There are people who will have time for you even in their worst.

They would forget their problems and will help you.

These people will never have excuses for not being there. They’ll help you even from far away.

Find these people. Find them. Stay on the look out and if you ever happen to find them, don’t loose them. Don’t let them go away, ever.

Remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. — The Shawshank Redemption

If you don’t have anyone like this in life, feel free to message me, comment below or contact me anytime in any way. I believe in goodness. I believe we humans have to be there for each other. You can rely on me in the worst of the times. You are not alone.

I will make you believe that you are awesome and lovely.