Usually, I wake up early to get some writing done. But the holidays bring strange hours, which can disrupt your creative routines. Travel, late nights and an ad hoc schedule throw the best of intentions out of sync. [Smile and turn to face the camera.]
That’s why I use Do-It-or-Else!™ [cut to close-up of active screen on mobile phone], the new crowd-threatening app that makes you finish what you start!
For a low monthly fee, [cut to a paper cup of coffee to insinuate inexpensive] Do-It-or-Else!™ will ensure that you get things done. How you ask? [Cut to a tired man in a blue housecoat shrugging.]
Do-It-or-Else™ sources local thugs to intimidate you — from pointed glares on the street [cut to a shady character narrowing his eyes], to pounding on your door with threats of physical violence. [Cut to a large, mean man tapping a bat into one hand.]
Think you’re safe at Grandma’s house? Think again. DIE™ uses the latest in geo-location technology. [Cut to an orange, pulsing dot on an abstract map.] It even works when you turn off your phone! [Cut to private investigator in a parked car staking out a family residence.]
If you don’t post status updates every hour on the hour, there’s no telling what will happen next! [Cut to angry mob with torches and pitchforks.]
So get to back to your daily routine, [cut back to slightly roughed-up man in blue housecoat typing fearfully] because nothing motivates quite like fear!
[Cut to Do-It-or-Else!™ end slate.] From the people who thought of Uber first but never quite got around to making it. Please Do-It-or-Else!™ responsibly — crowds can quickly turn into angry mobs. DIE™ is not legally accountable for anything that happens to you outside of your own home. Now available at an app store near you.
If you enjoy All-Day Breakfast, you can give back by clicking the little green heart below. A good portion of my self-worth is dependent on this small act of charity! Please recommend generously.