The point isn’t to be better than someone else


160224 All-Day Breakfast—The point isn’t to better than someone else—#132

The point isn’t to be better than someone else…
The point is to be yourself.

Sometimes I feel like such a juxtaposition. Sappy crank. Genius idiot. Greeting card philosopher. Butternut squash.

Cranking out a daily like All-Day Breakfast is a strange and terrifying experience. I want everything to be amazing, but I only have time to make it once. And I keep trying things I’ve never done before. So I just keep lobbing things over the fence, I keep publishing, I keep moving forward. It’s not unlike scratching graffiti on a bathroom wall while, except your doing it in front of an audience.

One thing I ask myself often is, “If this wasn’t public, would it be different?” The answer is yes. And no. I think there would be a lot more nonsensical, free-range expression if this was behind closed doors (eg. Butternut squash). There would be more self-loathing, more self-pity, more internalized bitching and moaning. I’ve read some of my old journals, and they are cute, but mostly a waste of time. They don’t pull up.

The just keep heading straight for the mountain until it’s too late.

I believe my Grade 9 journal starts with the sentence, “I wish I didn’t have such skinny legs.” It’s rife with insecurity, crushes, doubts, rants. All interesting if you spent half a decade living inside my head in highschool, but otherwise inaccessible.

This is different. Writing in public forces me to think outside of myself, or to try to relate with the world. It is a different mindset. I don’t want to lose the spontenaity, the silliness, the rants or insecurities. I just don’t want to dwell on them too long. I want to reach outward and communicate.

I was going to sign-off with, “I hope you like it,” but that’s not actually true. I hope you read it. I hope you get something out of it. But you don’t have to like it. I just want a response. I want you to think about something you might not have thought of before, or think about it in a new way. I want you to say, “I could do that,” or even, “I could do better than that!” and start making something. I want you to think about what you love doing, and go do more of that.

Right now.

Butternut squash.

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