An Oral History
Getting to Know the Glue that Holds our Family Together: Barbara Hellmann
I can hear my grandma’s old wooden stairs crack even with the low hum that the phone is making in my ear. I wait to begin the interview as I hear her shift her weight to the last step and then sink into her favorite lounge chair. She is seated in the basement living room. This dimly lit room is the setting for family gatherings, dinners, holidays, birthdays, and, for today, our interview. She took a big gulp of sweet tea mixed with the juice of a fresh lemon and then told me she was ready to start. I imagined myself sitting with her and could imagine her home’s familiar and ever-present scent. I always truly felt at home there and I hope she felt at home too as I began to ask her questions about the wonderful person that she is and our wonderful family.
Grandma: Ok go ahead. It’s 20 questions? What if I can’t answer them?
Abby: Do not worry at all. Just answer the questions as best you can and if you can’t that is okay too.
Grandma: Alright I am ready.
Abby: What is your full name and place of birth?
Grandma: You don’t know my full name? You just dropped on my list.
Abby: No please I do know but not everyone else knows. I’m number one on the list.
Grandma: Okay, Barbara Jean Hellmann and I am from Champaign, Illinois.
Abby: Alright, perfect. How would you describe your parents and your childhood?
Grandma: Oh dear my parents and my childhood? Um, well my mother died when I was six so I can’t describe her very well. And my father didn’t live with me. After that I was brought up by my aunt and uncle so to sum it all up I would say my childhood really sucks.
Abby: Did you like your aunt and uncle at least?
Grandma: No.
Abby: Okay well that’s just the worst. Anyways.
Grandma: Yes, it is.
Abby: How has religion shaped your life, if it has?
Grandma: Oh, that’s tough. Um. It has in a strong belief in God. How’s that?
Abby: Okay-
Grandma: It brought me through many problems.
Abby: Alright, perfect. Can you describe the place that- like where you grew up? What was it like or how has it changed? Stuff like that. Basically anything about where you grew up.
Grandma: I grew up in a house in a college town. And it was just a regular nice, not very special, but a nice house.
Abby: Okay. Do you remember when your family came to the United States?
Grandma: No. I can’t remember anything really from that early on besides my mother dying.
Abby: Yeah, okay. Do you prefer Illinois or where you live now?
Grandma: What-
Abby: Do you prefer where you grew up or where you live now?
Grandma: Where I live now!
Abby: Why?
Grandma: Why? Because it’s much nicer, much more comfortable, and I’m happier. How’s that?
Abby: Makes perfect sense to me. Why did you move to Georgia?
Grandma: I moved because of my husband’s job got me transferred here.
Abby: Okay… why do you think our family mostly lives in Georgia and more specifically in Forsyth and Fulton County? Why are we so close together, do you think there is any reason for that?
Grandma: I think we are lucky.
Abby: We are lucky that we are so close?
Grandma: Yeah.
Abby: Yeah. Um does our family have any special sayings or expressions?
Grandma: Oh my.
Abby: (laughter)
Grandma: “I didn’t feel a thing”?
Abby: Oh yeah! Yeah.
Grandma: You like that one?
Abby: Yeah that’s a good one, that’s a good one. I couldn’t think of one when I wrote the question.
Grandma: Well, yeah.
Abby: Do you know how that started? Was it just rude family members?
Grandma: Yeah really but you never had anybody say it to you.
Abby: No, because I am the favorite.
Grandma: Yeah, because you were special. The favorite. Exactly. But seriously I think it just started because whenever someone got hurt we would say “I didn’t feel a thing”. I remember every grandchild getting angry over this saying but it has stuck for years.
Abby: Yeah Matthew said that to me when he broke my wrist.
Grandma: Exactly! It’s very insensitive.
Abby: Okay well why do you like gambling?
Grandma: It’s fun. It’s relaxing. I like to win but I do lose.
Abby: Okay, um, how have historical events affected your family and community? Like any experiences you had with anything like WWII. I don’t know just with anything that was going on?
Grandma: I don’t think so. I mean, you know we went through rationing of sugar and butter and that kind of thing. And that affected you. But I don’t know of any other type of thing.
Abby: Okay. Do you know anything about Poppy’s experience with WWII?
Grandma: Well you know he had the same experience with rationing and then he went in the service and went overseas but he wasn’t in the thick of the fighting he was on Okinawa after the war.
Abby: Oh okay. See I didn’t know that.
Grandma: Yeah so he didn’t have combat, you know?
Abby: Yeah. Okay, that’s cool.
Grandma: He was too young.
Abby: Tell me about how you and Poppy met.
Grandma: Oh lord. Let’s make up something that sounds good.
Abby: No! How’d you meet? Don’t lie.
Grandma: Well a friend of- Poppy’s boss was a neighbor of mine and she had us introduced- She introduced us to each other.
Abby: Oh okay. That’s cool.
Grandma: Mmhm.
Abby: My parents have never told me anything about that.
Grandma: Well we did meet at a bar but it was prearranged. It’s not like he picked me up at a bar.
Abby: (laughter)
Grandma: We went there for a drink after work.
Abby: Okay, after your friend introduced you?
Grandma: Yeah, yeah.
Abby: That’s really cool. Can you tell me about your wedding or your marriage?
Grandma: Oh lord. Um we eloped.
Abby: Really?
Grandma: Mmhm. And we went to a small town and had a justice of the peace marry us. And the people there were real nice and they put tin cans on the car and threw rice. I mean all strangers but that’s how we- that’s- we, we didn’t have a wedding.
Abby: That’s kinda cool though. Kinda fun and spontaneous.
Grandma: Yes.
Abby: Okay, Poppy is Catholic and you are Jewish.
Grandma: Yes, but I really wasn’t raised in the Jewish church.
Abby: I was just going to ask what it was like for you guys to be in an interfaith marriage?
Grandma: Well it, it was- it did not affect either of us really. We both respected each other’s beliefs. You know.
Abby: yeah-
Grandma: but it did not affect anything we did.
Abby: Aunt Laurie is Jewish too right?
Grandma: Yeah.
Abby: So like some children-
Grandma: Like I said it did not affect us. We just let the children decide what they wanted to do.
Abby: Yeah, okay. Alright.
Grandma: But it didn’t really affect our relationship or anyone else’s.
Abby: Okay that’s good.
Grandma: It has worked out very well. 56 years later I think it’s okay.
Abby: 56? Wow that’s a long time.
Grandma: Certainly is (laughter).
Abby: How did your- Do you know how your parent’s or other relatives ended up getting married.
Grandma: No. I really don’t. I do know that my mother and father were at the University together. They met there and then they got married and he dropped out of school.
Abby: Alright. Do you believe that family is defined by blood?
Grandma: No.
Abby: Just no?
Grandma: Well I just think that family is defined by a lot of things. I mean, I don’t think you have to have a blood relative to feel that they are family.
Abby: Yeah, me either. Okay, what do family vacations mean to you?
Grandma: Oh my. Wonderful memories. Wonderful memories that you make. I think family vacations- I never had a family vacation in my life until I had a family. So I think they’re very important and they make wonderful memories.
Abby: Alright.
Grandma: And those memories are what my family will then make with their families.
Abby: Yeah of course. That was a really good answer.
Grandma: Don’t you think?
Abby: Oh yeah that was really good. That was impressive. What is the riskiest chance you ever took and how did it change your life? You might have to really think on that one.
Grandma: Golly, I don’t know. I don’t know Abigail I really don’t, huh. I don’t know.
Abby: It could be anything. Deciding where to go to college, eloping-
Grandma: Maybe eloping. That sounds good.
Abby: Yeah that was a risky chance but it worked out alright.
Grandma: Very well yes. It was a good idea. I could not be happier that we decided to defy what everyone thought. We took a huge risk getting married, especially when so many people warned us against it or told us it wasn’t right. I am so very happy we did. You can’t let people’s views define your own.
Abby: Yeah, alright last one.
Grandma: Oh we’re done!
Abby: Yeah we’re almost done.
Grandma: Darn, okay.
Abby: What is your favorite family dish and how did this recipe come about?
Grandma: My favorite family dish and how did this recipe come about…
Abby: I don’t think you like my questions very much.
Grandma: I think your questions are wonderful I’m just trying to think what my- Can you think of a favorite family dish? Rice casserole?
Abby: Oh yeah that sounds like a good one.
Grandma: And how did it come about? I saw it in an elementary school cook book.
Abby: Really?
Grandma: Mmhm. And I have made it for 56 years. No actually, a neighbor of mine made it and that’s where I got the recipe.
Abby: Okay, that’s cool yeah I couldn’t pick a favorite. I was thinking of like four family dishes I would’ve picked.
Grandma: Like what?
Abby: Obviously rice casserole but also the famous mac n cheese and your green beans. I really like your green beans.
Grandma: Well your wonderful. Of course, you are perfect so that’s alright.
Abby: Well thank you very much, even though I know you only call me perfect when you are being sarcastic.
Grandma: You caught me and you are welcome. I really miss you and I hope I did okay.
Barbara’s story relates to my community in both the present and the past. For one thing, she has experienced many historical moments in her lifetime, which relate to my community in the past. She discusses what it was like to be on the home front side of the war and the major changes that all communities faced in times of rationing. She also relates to the present community as she prefers where she lives now over all other places. She has impacted our community through her job, family, and volunteer work. I believe that my grandma’s affect on the community relates to me as it explains to me important parts of our family history. It also shows me how I can impact my community, which will in turn impact my children’s community, and so on.
My perception of community history changed from administering this interview. Before the interview, I did not feel like a single, ordinary person could change the history of their town or city. However, this interview has made me recognize that every person affects their community in one way or another. We can all have a major impact on this part of our lives and many people do.
This project has inspired me in more ways than I could list. I am currently working on gathering information about where each of my living relatives grew up and I am trying to convince my family to make a book about our ancestry. By looking at where each of my living relatives grew up, I hope to get a sense of how they impacted their community in the beginning and now. When I have a family I want this information to be available to my children. I want them to be able to see where we came from and how it impacts us.
One of the challenges I believe that I faced is not pushing for more. I believe that in the interview I should’ve made my grandma share more on a topic. I should have been more engaging for her and that would’ve given me a more thorough explanation of her past. I believe I need to work on my communication skills and I should’ve expressed my fascination more. Fascination in someone makes them feel at home and excited to talk about themselves.
If the roles were reversed and I was the one being interviewed, the stories I would like to tell would be from times of hardship, times of excitement, and times of contemplation. While that may seem broad, I believe the stories that would have the biggest impact would be ones that teach a lesson or explain a time of great joy. I would want my stories to teach the audience and let them know that life still works out in the end. I would start with my childhood and paint a picture of how lovely my parents and siblings were. I believe because childhood is such a simple time, it can reveal a lot about who shaped who you are. I would also tell stories of being in college and the challenges I have faced. I believe college is a time where a lot of people find themselves and realize their limits. I would like to expose who I am to my audience by showing my weaknesses and my triumphs. In this way, I would hope to explain who I am and why I am this way.
