CONFESSIONS OF A SPENDTHRIFT

today, i learned a word: spendthrift — the ultimate oxymoron

From Unsplash by Jimi Filipovski

My name is Ashleigh, and I am a compulsive shopper. Here are 5 Ways I Spent my Money this week. These are my confessions:

5. SAL’S PIZZA

Darn good pizza. Almost amazing. Everything I failed to expect, and then some. Sweet buffalo chicken? Savory CBR? Sal was killing me with the complementary tastes.

Was it worth it? Yes.

4. PARKING METER

Put me out 50 cents. But! I felt like a decent human bean. Safe to say that two hours later, the monies were not missed.

Worth it? I suppose.

[those quarters helped me get pizza — eat pizza — peacefully digest pizza]

3. TOBI.com

“So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift” — Tyler, the Creator

Any-day can be your birthday if you want it to be. That’s why they invented online shopping. So when a package appears at your door, you can pretend someone cares.

Worth it? Well…

  • Do I need more black in my all-black wardrobe? Probably not.
  • Did I buy more black for my all-black wardrobe? Yes, the answer is yes.
  • Was I excited as hell when I heard it was delivered? Eh, I guess.

2. GENERIC DISCOUNT FRAGRANCE SITE

“So you want to smell like roses?” - a question, an answer, a choice

It’s worth is TBD.

I won’t know until I shower myself in delicate florals + soft hints of musk.

[Note] Immediately after purchase, another coupon — a better coupon — an unexpired coupon, was found lurking in the shallow depths of gmail: a personal account. The pain was deeply felt.

Update: I eat in this scent, go to sleep in this scent, etc. — Worth it? YES

1. ASOS.com

My sister and I purchased a mother’s day gift for my mom. I know it’s July, and I don’t see your point. Call us pin partners, bread buddies, money mates; we split the cost.

As I write this, I realize that my highest mandatory cost amounts to a monthly $25 loan-payment. And, I am a thrifty f*ck.

The Irony.

Signed,

a spendTHRIFTY chick