A Book in the Making

A Week in Writing: Day Five

Hi there! Welcome to the last post in my series, “A Week in Writing”.

Last year, I toyed with ideas for a book. Once I decided to start, it became a glorified diary. I guess it was a subconscious attempt to address my feelings. So here I share a few excerpts from my book turned journal. Enjoy!

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

chapter six.

Life is odd. To follow the mainstream path, is to contort your limbs so they fit into the box society provides, which is meant to shape you into the person you’re expected to be. I cannot conform. I as a personality, and I as a living-breathing soul.

We impose structure and stifle creativity.

With each passing day, life seeps from my body until I am nothing but exhausted. I am acknowledging now, that I must make a change. It is up to me, for I have the power to frame my life. I can make the effort to shape the existence I need.

Living is hard. I want to be bigger than this.

snippets

catching milliseconds of minute long dreams — bits and pieces concocted, reconstructed — interpreting memories, of memories misunderstood.

the funny things, they run wild —

manifesting as actuality, they transmit as faded fragments.

Not Reality. Yet, I am affected.

I am not in control.

Being.

I’ve always been tied to the multifaceted nature of this word. If you read my early writings from Comparative Literature classes, you’ll see that I reference it in most, if not all of my work. Being.

The idea of a being who is being themselves, utterly lost and simply trying to define…their being. Do you see what I mean? It’s incredibly transverse.

*understanding that this is an incorrect use of the word “transverse,” i wrote it anyway. because i liked how it sounded, and this is but a journal, my journal.

Journal Entry — 1/28/17–11:07 a.m.

I think one of the hardest things to do, is break from that safe routine you hate. To do what’s best for you.

Kind of funny actually, because you’d think if you hate doing something, that you would abandon it immediately.

The problem with humans is that we seek reassurance — or maybe I’m generalizing here — the problem with me is that I rely on certainty. On routine. But it hurts more than it helps.

Because I know myself. I get invested in my thoughts — I get lost in my head, and once I’m there, it’s hard to come back. Ideas twist and spiral into insanity and I’m made much more uncomfortable remaining in that comfort, than I would have been, had I chosen to leave.*

My goal this year is to break free. To escape the negative causalities that plague me. To release myself from a suffocation that’s slowly tearing me apart. I refuse to commit spiritual suicide — to let myself leak. If I continue as I am, that’s exactly what will happen. I’ve got to break free from myself.

Explaining This Challenge


To read more of my work, click through to my profile. I’ve heard people have a great time there. Below, I have linked the four other posts in this challenge.