I am extremely lucky to have had my life completely ripped apart multiple times over the years. From having to quit high school due to bullying, to getting an extraction from small-town terrors in Mount Vernon by some gay boys in Terre Haute, broken relationships, natural disasters, and losing my fiance to death threats, kidnapping and other assorted horrors. My life has been Godzilla-stomped on by hideous monsters multiple times.

And EVERY TIME I get a chance to put it back better and more awesome than before. If something is not working for me, the Hand of God comes down and says “No, you do this not that” and learning to trust in the divine plan takes balls of steel.

My faith has been tested but I have never ever ever asked “Oh God, why me?” I simply dust myself off, get the lessons and move on to something else. And this time there is no one to bail me out or soothe me because as a shaman … I am it. No one to call and nothing to do except just deal with it the way a shaman would.

And I’ve reached some sort of endgame with every rotten horrible thing that’s happened to me that’s been out of my control. In healing myself I gain the ability to heal others and I do it daily in various ways.

Yeah, I’ve been on the express path since the near-death experience and yeah I’ve had a walk-in soul transfer and yeah I’m an alien in a human body but I’m still human at the end of the day and whenever I get overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of it all I just break down into tears. And when I turn to the sky eyes wet and wondering how all this is possible, a big booming voice comes down from Heaven and says:

“Nevermind, it’s beautiful.”