3 Ways to Bring an Improvisers Mindset to Dating
1. Say Yes And
Positivity can be a powerful attractor. Use the power of ‘Yes’ to open yourself up to new opportunities, new people, and new relationships. It’s simple, no need to over analyze. If something presents itself to you, say yes and see where it takes you. It might be a direct invitation or just a flyer for an evening class. The ‘And’ is what you bring to the opportunity. On a first date, bring your sense of playfulness. Bring your humility. Bring your kindness, your generosity, your humor or any other trait you have to offer. It doesn’t matter who asked who out. It doesn’t matter whether you have several other dates this week or none for the entire year. This date is a 50/50 partnership — you both need to contribute to making a connection so do your best. They say you’ll know it’s right because you won’t have to work at it — but I call bullshit. Anything worth having, including a relationship takes a little work on both sides.
2. Be a Great Listener
Everybody wants to be heard. Give someone the gift of listening to their opinions or ideas or feelings or sorrows or stories. When you listen deeply, you’re more likely to hear something that resonates for you. Then you’ve increased your opportunity to connect with that person. We live for human connection. It increases our confidence and self-esteem. It makes us feel valued and worthy.
3. Default to Curiosity
You might find yourself on a date with someone who doesn’t share your views or values on a given topic. I say, default to curious mode. Maybe they can inform or educate you. Maybe you’ll have the chance to reexamine your own views. Maybe the conversation will further clarify your thoughts. Even if you wildly disagree, don’t forget, what they said is their experience of the subject. Even if they present it as a truth claim. You can show respect by listening and thus honoring their experience. It doesn’t mean there has to be a second date but it might make the first date a more pleasant experience all round.
