Conquering envy in yourself
“Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate.” ― William Arthur Ward
What is envy? A natural reaction towards someone who is a winner.
The Oxford Concise Dictionary defines it as “discontented or resentful longing aroused by another’s possessions, qualities or luck” occurring in the workplace and social settings.
Workplace Envy
Harvard Business Review defines workplace envy as the distress we feel when others get what we want. Professional envy rears its head when you have missed getting a plum project that you were looking forward to or you missed being considered for a promotion. Envy makes you behave in several ways, which is not considered suitable for your own success or health. It does not allow you to think straight. You start getting aggressive in your behavior towards others, or you go into a shell. In either case, the loss is yours.
The feeling of envy should be acknowledged, and only then you would be able to bring it under control. There were times in my career when I was envious of others. It got me, at times to the brink of depression. Only when I acknowledged it and used it to fuel my curiosity, I felt better. Instead of playing the victim, I spent time finding what the winners did to be more successful and gained the knowledge to improve my skills. It’s tough to let go of the negativity, but once you decide to do it, it’s a very liberating experience.
When you are envious of others, you fall in your own eyes, and your self-respect takes a dip. The feeling does not allow you to progress in your career or your life.
Social Envy
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Envy is ignorance, imitation is suicide.”
One of the most significant challenges of our times is that social media does not allow you to be yourself. Striving for creating a well-appointed life, showcasing it on social media even if something like it does not exist, has become a trend.
“Photoshopped Lives” on Facebook and other social media platforms take a toll on everyone. People only show the best of themselves on such platforms.
Rekha, my neighbor, is a young girl who studies in 10th grade. Her mother is a single mom working hard to ensure that her daughter is given the best education and can put food on the table every day. Rekha has many friends on Facebook, and each time she scrolls the platform, she is envious of her friends who keep showcasing their Apple watches, phones, and tablets. Her mother cannot afford to buy these products. It took an effort to explain to Rekha why her mother could not fulfill her desire for those fancy gadgets. Fortunately, Rekha understood and did not allow envy to distract her from her studies.
Someone will always be more pretty, smart, young, intelligent than you. People who feel envious looking at their friends on Facebook and Instagram struggle to be like them.
Changing yourself for social media acceptance is foolish. If you are yourself, people will love you more, and most important is you will love yourself more.
Be Grateful and Focus on Yourself
“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.” ― Harold Coffin
Moving past the feeling of envy can be challenging. Here are a few tips that have helped me conquer envy.
- Instead of comparing myself to someone else, I have learned to compare myself to myself. Whenever I feel low, I look back at all my achievements in life. It is a great motivator. It reminds me that I can achieve everything if I have the determination and my goals are reasonable.
- Be grateful for what you have. Small prayers of gratitude and journaling what I have helps me become emotionally stable.
- Let go of the negativity that comes with envy. This sounds difficult, but if you can busy yourself in a new role, hobby, or learning something new, the negative feeling disappears. You don’t have any time left to nurse your negative feeling. It takes stoic resolve to ignore the feeling of envy, but it is worth the effort.
