I WANT TO DIE
(Part Two)
She’d probably be polite with me. I mean, I got two rotten front teeth.
It’s been like this for ages. And now I can’t make anyone see past this shit. Maybe I should be the one taking offence. I’m out here just trying to create relations; I don’t even want to get laid. Fake. Fake. Fake. Fake. Fake!
I light a cigarette.
My friend’s back. He was taking a lap around, hollering at some of the guys he knows. Looks like he grabbed himself a burger too. Whoah! I love those things. Asks if I want one. I’ll pass tonight, not hungry. He catches me stealing glances at the girl.
“unachoraje?” he asks.
I tell him we should head home. She finally looks my way. I got on a very unwelcoming gaze. There’s nothing pleasant on these sides lady. I put out my cigarette and start heading out. I don’t feel like talking anymore.
+ + +
He dropped me off at the nearest stage to home. It is now a little past midnight. There are about fifteen people here. Don’t they have church tomorrow? It’s already tomorrow. I take out a cigarette just to piss off whoever’s next to me. That’s how I was first to get in the matatu. I feel so smart right now I could take a riddle marathon and solve them all. Fuck! No seats in the PSV. Ah. Whatever. Got to get home.
Now I’m standing here eavesdropping on people’s conversations. There’s a couple here gossiping. The lady seems to be talking about her husband. I bet this man’s her brother. I don’t know but, they seem unusually close. Obviously, there are drunks here. Two shady couples. One guy is pretty loud and he’s creepy as fuck. He is really struggling with his woman. Trying to force his mouth onto hers. Very disturbing. I find it funny how everybody else seems uncomfortable with it. But really, this is fucked up. This woman is pretending! Or maybe she’s heavily inebriated. I don’t know. I’ve seen this before. Girls acting drunk or they get drunk and act like they’re mad. Not mad, angry. Mad like, bat-shit-crazy mad, so the boys don’t bother them. I mean, nobody wants to fuck a mad person. You don’t want to be that guy. Zero bragging rights there. It’s like fucking an albino that was brought up believing they were white and convinced you too. Just keep it to yourself.
The matatu breaks down mid way. Tonight we have like four touts. Somebody says we’re going to get mauled by wild animals. This is Africa, thank you Hollywood. I wonder how a white man would find that joke. Actually there’s a white woman here, make that five touts. Driver can’t get the engine to start again. The touts alight and start pushing. They get tired and ask guys to help. Fuck that. They push it down hill and the driver steers it to a petrol station. What a relief! He asks attendant to fill 200/- and guys get really pissed. Everyone alights, we’re almost there anyway. Most take bodas. I decide to walk.
Obviously I want to take the shortcut home. And I’m going to use the one that’s a little busy. Feels safer that way. I walk past some bodaboda operators, there’s a Miraa shop a few steps ahead, a bar and a brothel around the corner. Which I walk into.
Fuck. Shut up. Pay, have sex, walk out and go to bed. What am I doing? Shut up. Pay, have sex, walk out. I pretend to negotiate, pick one from three and she walks me into one of the rooms. Why did I pick her? She’s not the prettiest. Did I pick her? She keeps talking. I wonder if I saw her in the streets the next day she’d dare greet me. Fuck. Shut up. Get paid, have sex, walk out.
