I love you Mom, but I don’t want to be you
Overwhelmed with her being here, I ran across the street, seeking comfort in her arms, I stayed there. Listening to her heart beat, my soul was at ease. I looked up just to find the dark layer of blood clotted skin covering her left eye, I could see the immense pain in the same but enormous love in other. Stepping back from her embrace I looked, the face that screamed her agony, her vulnerability, her helplessness, a smile pasted on the face that tried to bring me comfort, that tried to seek my appreciation for smiling once again.
I am a bad daughter, a daughter that hated the monster that did this to her. But most I loathed my mom. Why?
She said, “I am doing this for you.”
“When have I ever asked you for this.” I screamed in my head. Unable to say the word out loud, I gaze on her misery.
“How pathetic, is she even my mother.” Said my brain.
“Yes, and she loves you more than anything.” Replied my heart.
“Maa, where is your self respect?” I asked her, hoping she’ll now leave the hell.
She chuckled, “you are my everything,” and that phrase tore me, shattered my heart so bad. That I hated my mother, hated her for the way she put it all on me, her misery, her pain, her vulnerability, her foolishness. She said ‘I was her everything’. What she didn’t was ‘it’s all because of you’. That day I saw the woman I love.
