5 Tips For Hosting The Super Bowl!

As far as parties go, hosting the Super Bowl is a pretty low level of commitment. The entertainment is provided by a network television station, and 50 years of tradition create the excitement. So that means you have to go a little further to make your Super Bowl Party memorable. Here are some tips:

1. Make It A Potluck

The biggest differentiating factor between whether your Super Bowl party is memorable or not is the food that’s provided. But unlike say, Thanksgiving, nobody wants to eat a full dinner during the game. Fans want greasy fried snacks on game day and the Super Bowl needs to be a culmination of those desires. But don’t put all of that work on yourself! A potluck gives everyone something to contribute and when done correctly, creates an outright smorgasbord. Here are links to some recipes my friends and I have used in the past.

Inevitably someone will say that they’re not a good enough cook for a potluck. Tell them to grow the fuck up and learn to cook like an adult. If they don’t want to do that, they can starve to death. Or I guess bring chips and beer.

2. Give it some local flare!

Most people know very little about the cities of the United States. If you asked people what they associate with Atlanta, the Falcons would probably be a top 5 answer, right between Delta layovers and OutKast. So this is a good time to get to know Atlanta better.

(You could also use this as an attempt to know New England better. But chances are if you’re reading this you live in New England so like, don’t try to get too New Englandy. That’d be gross.)

The big problem for this for me is that I can’t seem to find any beer from Georgia that is available in Boston. Which is a shame, which is a shame because beer is my favorite way to learn about new places. So I don’t know what I will do to celebrate Atlanta, maybe listen to some trap and make a peach cobbler. That’s the best I got. I suppose I ought to do more research, and so can you. Broaden your knowledge of our great cities.

Still kind of wish Green Bay won that NFC Championship game, though. America needs a PBR vs. Gansett Super Bowl.

3. Create a leaflet for a list of things to yell!

Football is a game of strategy, which makes for great viewing. And by viewing I mean yelling play calls at the television and harshly judging coaching decisions. Some of your guests might not know enough about football to be confident about yelling at the television, so give them a list of helpful phrases to yell, like these:

• “Watch Julio! He’s set up for a post route!”
• “They should be putting a Linebacker through that A-gap!”
• “Top of the screen! There’s your matchup!”
• “They’ve gotta adjust to this [run/pass] [defense/offense]” (This one is a little more advanced because you have to decide what thing they are doing bad.)
• “If you trust your offense, you’ll go aggressive here.”

What makes all of these interjections special is that they are zero-risk, high reward. If you are correct, you will look like you know stuff. If you are wrong, it’s because these coaches don’t know what the hell they’re doing. You win no matter what.

The opposite of this is judging the result of the play before the instant replay. Don’t do this at all. It can only make you look stupid. Even if you think a call is suspect, just keep your mouth shut until the replay gives you some actual evidence. They’re doing you a favor with replay, use it.

4. Bet your house on the game!

Don’t you kind of hate it when people say “We won!” when they actually mean the team they root for won? It’s a little annoying. Put some real skin in the game. If you want to feel the full emotional roller coaster of a Super Bowl, find a bookie that will accept your house as betting collateral. You believe in your team right? So show how confident you are in them! That way when you say “We won!” and someone tries to correct you, you can say “We’re still in my house, right? So I’m a winner.”

5. Take Off Work Monday

This is something you should have planned several weeks ago so nobody knew what you were asking for. “I need off February 6th,” looks a lot better than “I needoff the day after the Super Bowl.” So if you don’t want to look like a complete schlub, get in a time machine or forge some time off request documents. Because this party is going to be too good for you to go to work on Monday.