Here Are 6 Things To Do In Boston When It Is Cold Oh So Cold Oh Why Is It So Cold

We’re in the worst part of winter now and it’s cold. Very fucking cold. But I suppose you can’t just stay inside for the next two months so here’s some great things to do in Boston when it is so cold oh please make it stop why is it so cold.

1. Skate on the Boston Common Frog Pond

If you don’t keep skating your body may freeze to the pond.

Perfect for a date night or family fun, the Boston Common Frog Pond is transformed into an ice skating rink for the winter. Ice as you may remember, is what happens when water (element crucial to life on Earth) becomes too cold to remain in its liquid state. This is normal in Boston. It happens for days on a time. Skating on frozen water is not only feasible it is traditional!

The skate rink is open all winter long, and since winter seems like an endless abyss where time slows down and future is nowhere in sight, that means you’ll have what feels like endless chances to go out an get your skate on!

2. Get a hot cup of New England Clam Chowder

Chowdah! The the cuisine created by perfect combination of Boston’s two most prominent geographical features: proximity to the ocean and the desperate need to put something hot into your body to prevent your internal organs from freezing. Everyone things they know they best place but I think there’s a little place on the harbor that you can’t go wrong with.

Wait, the harbor? That’s like a 10 minute walk from any T station. I’m gonna die if I have to do that. Forget it, just go anywhere. Just find any average looking restaurant downtown and it will probably be able to serve you chowder. It will not be the best, but anything is better than the chilling damnation of having to walk somewhere.

3. Visit A Brewery

The sky will not look this today.

Alcohol makes you feel warm inside, right? So why not check out one of Boston’s many great breweries and brewpubs while you’re here. Actually it’s occurring to me to ask you this: are you a tourist? You are VISITING Boston in mid-winter? Why? Are you looking for reasons to hate Boston? Do you learn ANYTHING about the places you visit before you plan to go to them? Do you visit Florida in August? Do you tour South Asia in monsoon season? Plan your life better.

4. Try to find the sun!

Arguably worse than that actual cold is the fact that during the Boston winter the sun is in the sky every day for roughly the length of a Judd Apatow movie. That's why it’s fun to find the sun in it’s fleeting moments of being in the sky. If you bask in it for a little while you’ll make a realization that you’re just as cold as you were before, just in a sunnier spot. Keep in mind, the sun is the most powerful source of heat in the solar system and yet it still cannot bring our city to a comfortable temperature.

Then again, there is a chance you won’t see the sun at all! Maybe it’s snowing! If it’s snowing, you should enjoy that for the few minutes it is fun. It will be a beautiful urban winterscape and then a second later there are just walls of filth-slush running down every sidewalk.

5. Oh just go to a museum

Marvel not just at the paintings, but at the walls which are keeping you unfrozen.

Museums are inside, which means they will be a temporary relief from the wrath of the pagan frost god that the puritans blasphemed. Go to the Museum of Fine Arts. That’s fine. That’s good. Just hurry up and get in, I’m holding the door for you damnit.

One of my favor parts of the MFA is the Ancient world. Did you know that for a long time Ancient Romans didn't even have January and February in their calendar? Fifty-one days with zero distinction. I like that. Bring that back. Nobody will make you plan your life during the winter because there will be no calendar to plan it on. Do whatever you want until March.

6. Right here is fine

Okay so I found a great spot on my floor near the radiator. This isn't bad at all. There’s even an outlet right here to charge my phone! I’m going to cocoon myself for two months in my comforter and then emerge in the spring as a beautiful anemic butterfly. I suggest you do something similar.

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