Marty Walsh Unveils Plan For A New Fleet of Wahlbergs

Near the end of his State of the City address, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh unveiled a new proposal for replacing the city’s current fleet of Wahlbergs with newer models are early as next year:

“We in Boston are a city that prides itself but on it’s tradition. But not so much that we need to settle for a fleet of Wahlbergs that can no longer properly address the needs of our citizens. We need newer, smarter, more efficient Wahlbergs for the community at large.”

Walsh said the initiative, which he called New Wahlbergs 2020, can be put before the city council when they meet next week. Among the problems he wants to address are the inequities between Wahlberg salaries as well making sure the Wahlbergs of future are less inclined to try to profit off of local and national tragedies.

“The people of Boston cannot be asked to stomach the load of bullshit that is the film Patriots Day. Just simply watching the trailer tells us all how far we have to go. We must say we are better than this. We need better than a buffoon who thinks he could’ve stopped 9/11.

Walsh’s plan calls for an increase to up to ten new Wahlbergs for Boston by the end of 2019, though it does not address whether they will be commissioned for the city or purchased from another city with a Wahlberg surplus. Many groups have come out as advocating the Mayor’s plan, specifically the steps it takes towards ensuring gender equality, as going forward at least 40% of all Wahlbergs will be female.

But not everyone is as enthused, including City Councillor and 2017 Mayoral Candidate Tito Jackson, speaking to The Boston Globe:

“What Mayor Walsh has to remember is that this is not just a city of Wahlbergs. It is a city of Afflecks and Aerosmiths as well. And if we’re going to be committing infrastructure dollars to replacing our aging Boston celebrities, we need to be worried about not just the New Kids on the Block, but New Edition as well.”

Jackson went on to say that Walsh’s plan also lacked concrete regulations for the development of new Wahlbergs and doesn’t address the major conern that the new line are not harmful to the city’s South-Asian immigrant population.

The Wahlbergs have declined to comment.