How To Let Go Of The Inescapable
On this lovely Tuesday, let’s delve into a topic that’s… not-so-lovely: codependency. Just stick with me for a minute.
In broader terms, codependency is defined by “a dependence on the needs of or control by another.”
Ladies, I think the concept of “codependency” is familiar to many of us. Not to say that, as women, we all experience it at a severe and suffocating scale, but: I think we have all known the feeling of dependency. Whether it was towards a significant other, friend, work relationship — many of us have felt dependent on another to secure what felt like happiness, or, a state of content.
No matter the situation, a common thread is that feeling of, “I can’t let go of this.” It’s that annoying bug in your brain convincing you that you need this other thing to function. Like, if you let go of that thing, everything else might just fall apart, right?
In my production company’s upcoming film, Severed Silence, an example of this lies in the character of ‘Hana,’ who becomes dependent on the daily sacrifice she makes as a self-punishment for the mistake she made in her past. Hana becomes dependent on this regular ritual of over two decades to give her a sense of content, by repairing the faults of her youth and protecting her family from suffering the consequences. The flip side of that coin, though, is that Hana has closed herself off from having deeper, honest relationships with her husband and son. Her inability to forgive herself and to accept support from her husband creates a large divide in their marriage, pulling them further apart. The shame she feels for her past mistake causes her to keep secrets from her son. In turn, Hana’s inability to be open with him about his family’s history creates a disconnect between them the older he gets.
Hana has found her state of content in the very thing that causes her pain and, the longer it has gone on, the greater the detachment between her and her family — even though she believes she is holding them together. It isn’t until a large turning point in the story that Hana is forced to confront the demons that consume her and really seek the help of her loved ones.
Yet, it shouldn’t have to come to a point of “do or die” to forgive oneself, welcome help, and accept the love of others, right? (I hope not) The character of Hana teaches me a valuable lesson by showing me that… the mistakes I’ve made or troubles I may have caused should not become a reason to forever condemn myself and close off from receiving love… Otherwise, those mistakes will become the sole source of content in my life.
So let’s let go of those things that seem inescapable. Let’s instead embrace those support systems that exist around us.
Basically, reverse the thought process in your brain: breathe out the negative “inescapables” and breathe in the help and love that actually matter as your source of content. Don’t wait 22 years like Hana, ladies.
~Bela
Izabela Vidovic | Filmmaker
Almost Normal Productions
