I is for Innate

The most important thing I learned this year

A few months ago, I read an article from Psychology Today titled The Trouble with Bright Girls. Go ahead, tease me for a moment for calling us bright girls, and let’s continue. ☺

Bright girls were much quicker to doubt their ability, to lose confidence, and to become less effective learners as a result…because bright girls are particularly likely to see their abilities as innate and unchangeable, they grow up to be women who are far too hard on themselves—women who will prematurely conclude that they don’t have what it takes to succeed in a particular arena, and give up way too soon.

The main difference between how smart boys and girls are raised? Boys are allowed to be naughty, to screw up. Their reputation is not on the line until they get much older—or, arguably, ever. But girls are not meant to trip up or rebel. Girls who do so confidently become tomboys. They become non-girls.

I’ve seriously never been so gutted by a psychology article. Even though all the evidence in my life supports the “ass in chair method” (or if you prefer, persistence), I am deep in this trap. Even though I literally make things seem effortless for a living, I fall into the illusion that effortlessness is anything but that—a straight-up illusion.

Weeks later, I’m still haunted by this. For a while I honestly questioned the legitimacy of every decision I’ve made to leave or pivot. Have I been really living to my full potential? What have I given up in order to appear innately gifted?

I’m taking 2014 as an opportunity to dig into this phenomenon. 2014 is going to be about patience: taking time to master craft in many places, proving to myself that I can keep going when it gets challenging. As importantly, 2014 is going to be about helping others defy their self labels, too.