Pres. Trump Pledges to Personally Wring the Necks of Immigrant Children

D.C. – President Trump’s immigration plans have been raising eyebrows since the summer of 2015, when he first made the declaration that Mexico was sending rapists to America. None have raised more eyebrows than Tuesday’s declaration that he will “personally” go out and wring the necks of immigrant children.

“If Congress doesn’t want to put in real work, it’s my turn folks. Can I tell you, can I tell you I’m tired of this? I’m tired of this. If Wimpy Mitch won’t put up a bill to send illegal alien children back where they came from, I’ll tell you what folks, there’s going to be problems. Real problems. Real problems. I’m going to go out and wring the necks of every last illegal alien child and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me.”

President Trump was last seen to be leaving the room cracking his knuckles, prompting cheers and whistles from the all-white audience.

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) is reported to be “extremely disturbed” by these remarks, confirming his intention to do absolutely everything he can to ignore all possible solutions and pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

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