President Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Hurricanes From Military

WASHINGTON – According to reports, President Donald J. Trump has signed an executive order banning hurricanes from the United States military.

“After consulting with my genitals…”, President Trump posted on Twitter, followed by thirty five minutes of silence, “I have decided today to ban hurricanes from the armory.”

President Trump later followed up his first two tweets with a third adding the single word “Army.”

AR spoke to members of Congress about this stunning declaration.

“I don’t understand it,” remarked Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT). “I didn’t even know hurricanes could join the military. Is this necessary? Is this what we should be spending our time on, banning hurricanes from the military?”

“I am deeply disturbed by this move,” said Senator John McCain (R-AZ), furrowing his brow. “Frankly, I question the rationale of this move and I am prepared to do absolutely nothing to stop its implementation.”

AR can confirm President Trump has promised to give a borderline incomprehensible statement carefully detailing how he reached the stunning conclusion that such a move were necessary.

AR can also confirm we’re not exactly holding our breath either.