Texas Declares State of Emergency as President Trump Visits

AUSTIN – Calling it an “unprecedented disaster” and a “real nightmare”, Governor Greg Abbott (R-TX) declared a state of emergency in preparation of President Trump’s inevitable visit.

“We’re really nervous out here,” one Houston resident told us. “I’ve never seen anything so terrifying in my life, I’ve lived down here for fifty years and never expected in my life something as bad as Donald Trump coming to visit.”

The authorities agreed, with one agreeing to give a statement on condition of anonymity.

“I really wish I could just ask the man to stay in Washington, in the White House, but that’s probably too much to ask. Instead, my question is for God himself: why do you hate Houston? First a hurricane and now this?”

Governor Abbott tried to soothe fears some residents of the state showed in response to President Trump’s impending visit.

“None of us are happy about this, it’s the worst crisis Texas has been through since becoming a state, but we will persevere. The state of emergency I’ve issued guarantees that all of our residents will receive prompt therapy in the wake of President Trump’s visit. I will be praying for all of our citizens and I hope the rest of the country keeps us in their prayers.”