Cruising with the Undesirables: Temporary Connections
I wasn’t too surprised when, after checking out each deck, I finally find the smokers’ section. As always these out of the way smokers’ places are intended to isolate the undesirables, the “lepers”, the toxic people. I was prepared to take breaks just long enough for a cigarette.
I was surprised to see how many of these undesirables would be sailing with me and was lucky to find just one empty table where I could sit and smoke. Just as I lit my cigarette, enjoying that first long puff, a shadow came over the table. I look up and see two women: one middle-aged and very obese; the other rail thin and appearing to be bit younger.
“Do you mind if we sit here?”
Before I can answer the two women have plopped down on the remaining chairs, the younger one lighting her cigarette and trying to get the bartender’s attention.
“Hi, I’m Paula and this is my sister Betty. We’re here sharing a cabin with my brother, Ron.”
I hoped I didn’t have the “that’s really weird” expression on my face. If it was there, Paula and Betty either didn’t notice or were accustomed to having people respond that way.
As Betty wanders off to catch the bartender Paula leans into whisper:
“She drinks too much and will probably pass out before dinner. She’ll only join us in the morning because she has a rule: no beer before noon.”
I glanced at my watch: 11:55. Betty, having no luck tracking down the bartender sits down, hands shaking and shifting nervously in her chair.
So much for that creating isolation idea, cruise wizards.
Paula launches into describing her litany of physical ailments.
“I have rheumatoid arthritis, supposed to use a cane. Had a car wreck and my shoulder’s damaged. They tell me I should lose weight. I’ve tried. I only eat one meal a day, but the pounds just sit there.”
Much of her remaining conversation is filled with negative comments: “It’s too sunny up here”; and sarcasm: “Doesn’t she think she’s special in that ‘everybody look at me in my bikini’? Just wait babe the day will come when you’ll look like me.”
The bartender appears and a few minutes later Betty gets a bucket with six bottles of beer.
“I don’t go on excursions. But the cost of this booze will break my bank.”
Paula, getting up to leave, puts her hand on her sister’s shoulder:
“You know how to solve that problem, don’t you Betty. Quit drinking! And don’t ask me to help you pay your bar bill.”
With Paula gone, Betty moves closer to me.
“I suppose she’s told you all about her ailments already? And how she only eats one meal a day? What she doesn’t tell you is that the meal starts at six o’clock and lasts until bedtime. And you should see what she eats: fried foods, pizza and Oreo cookies.”
And with that she grabs her bucket and moves to lounge chair.
This is the beginning of an interesting cruise. At least there will be someone to talk to.
When I come up for a smoke later that day, I see Paula and Betty sitting with another woman.
“Hi ladies. Got room for one more?”
“Sure. You know me and Betty, and this is my brother, Ron.”
I take a better look at the person sitting with the women.
Oops. I really couldn’t tell. His hair is cut like a woman’s, and he definitely has man-boobs.
“Nice to meet you, Ron.”
“You too. Heard these two hijacked your table. They have a habit of taking over. I work for the cruise line and get a discount for all of us to travel. But, as soon as we get on board, these two make all the decisions: when and where to eat, which if any excursions we should take. They’re pushy, but I love them.”
“Discounted cruise fares? Ron, would you consider adopting me?”
A few days later Paula joins me and offers some insight into Betty’s alcoholism.
“She has a son who regularly asks her for large sums of money. He demands money to cover his rent, car payments etc. She never refuses. And each time she discovers that he has used the money to buy the newest electronics or some other luxury items and is still being threatened with eviction or having his car repossessed. If she doesn’t give in to him, he beats her. One time he stabbed her with a knife. Check out that scar on her right arm.”
It was our fourth day at sea when, as I sat with Paula and Betty, the conversation turned to marriages and weddings.
“So Pat, how long have you been married?”
“We’ll be married thirty-five years. I was married to the first guy for ten years.”
“Did you have a big wedding?”
I laughed “Not quite. The first one could have been considered a “shot gun” wedding. The whole ceremony lasted about ten minutes. I was almost four months pregnant but lost the baby two days after the wedding.
“What about with this guy?”
“Not much different. I wasn’t pregnant this time, but we had both returned to college and had to squeeze the wedding between school and work schedules. There wasn’t even time for me to get a wedding gown. I’ve joked that maybe I’ll get a gown and we can renew our vows on our anniversary. But that’s not going to happen.”
“Why not? They asked in unison.
“The way things are with my kids and other family members, no one would show up.”
“Sounds like a conversation we’ll have to have before this cruise ends, but you should have that ceremony and wear that dress. You can make it a small ceremony and you can always get a dress on clearance.”
I knew this would never happen, but I told Betty and Paula it was something I’d consider.
That afternoon, I was surprised to see Betty sitting at “our” table. As I sat down, I noticed that there were only two beers left in the six-bottle bucket.
This should be interesting.
Betty leans in close to me, slurring her words “Paula’s in one of her many negative moods. I had to get away. Even doe it is sooo annoying when she gets that way, I guess I understand why.”
“Her ex-husband beat her, left her for an eighteen-year-old, never paid child support, but took her to court at least ten times to get more furniture and house stuff from the home they had. To make matters worse, the eighteen-year-old is so immature that she is jealous of Paula. She’s even slashed Paula’s tires and thrown paint on her car.”
Sitting together a few days later, Paula returns to my comments about my family.
“So, the other day you said you couldn’t have a ceremony to renew your vows because of your family, why is that?”
I hesitate for a minute “Do I really want to go there? Oh, what the hell they’ve shared so much.”
“Well two of my daughters have “issues” with me. With each argument I learn something new about how I was a lousy mother: I didn’t let them join after school activities; I asked too much from them when they were growing up and on and on. Their catch-all explanation for being angry is that they are “children of a divorce”. Only one of my four daughters calls on our anniversary. It’s hurtful to me but even more so for my husband, someone who raised them since they were ten years old. So, I can be pretty sure they would not attend a renewal of vows.”
The subject is dropped as Ron approaches our table.
“Aren’t you two coming with me to the President’s Circle? They’ve got champagne and free appetizers.”
Paula: “My legs hurt. I’m staying here.”
Betty: “I’m not hungry and I’d rather have my beer.”
Ron just shrugs and walks away.
“He’s so set in his ways. He lives in Los Angeles in an apartment he hates but won’t move. He’s taken thirty-seven cruises and always does the same things at the same time.” Says Paula
“But he’s a really generous guy. He gets us discounts on these cruises and even comes up here to spend time with us even though he doesn’t smoke.” Betty reminds Paula.
As we sail along we share more of our life stories. Betty and Paula spend several days planning my “fantasy” wedding/renewal of vows.
“So go get an off the rack gown.”
“Maybe have the ceremony on a cruise with just the two of you.”
“Don’t tell your family. Just post pictures on Facebook”
“Thanks for the ideas. I’ll have to think about it.” NOT
We spend the rest of our days rating the excursions we’ve gone on, ranking the entertainment from 1 to 10, ten being the biggest bang for the buck, and commiserate about the lack of sufficient food and beverage on our “lepers” deck.
Paula grunts “I didn’t like any of the excursions and I thought the entertainment was “cheesy”.
Betty: “I didn’t leave the ship and I was never awake long enough to catch the entertainment.”
We take turns getting coffee and water for our table and emptying the ashtrays we had been assured would be emptied by the crew.
The cruise was in its last days when the conversation became more intimate.
Paula: “I had an abortion.”
Betty: “I spent time in prison for robbery.”
I share that I had a nasty relationship with my mother.
We had been total strangers that first day on deck but had become like friends we’ll have forever.
On the ninth day of the ten-day cruise, the dynamics changed. Our conversations became more about what will happen after the cruise.
“I need to pay bills.” Betty groans.
“Geez, I forgot the dog has a vet appointment” adds an angry Paula.
“I hope I can get back in time to get to work.” is Ron’s concern.
And I’m dreading returning to subzero temperatures.
On the last day of the cruise, we meet on the deck one last time. We exchange contact info and promise to keep in touch.
As I was making dinner a few days after arriving home, The phone rings. I don’t recognize the name on caller ID but answer it anyway.
“Pat, it’s Paula. I sent you an email but didn’t hear back from you.”
Oh, crap. I did delete an email from someone I didn’t recognize.
“Sorry, Paula. Sometimes my emails end up somewhere in cyberspace.”
We talked about the same topics we had discussed on the ship. And we asked about our trips home. This lasted for about a minute, followed by a long pause.
“Well, Paula, I hate to cut this short, but I’m in the middle of cooking dinner.”
I felt both guilty for not continuing the conversation, and lucky I had a reason to end it.
“Well, take care, Paula. I’ve got your number. We’ll talk soon.”
When I hung up, I thought about what people sometimes say when something is over: “That ship has sailed”. But in the case of the undesirables, when the ship sailed, so did the intimacy.
