The Science Of Love, Sex And Addiction
Is there a special formula for falling in love?
When did it happen? Why do I suddenly feel excited? Wait, is coming towards me. What should I do? I have an urge to run away. Now I’m safe. Why can’t I keep her out of my head? Am I in love? What even is love…?
If you have ever fallen in love, this unleashed flow of passions and impulses is usually what occurs in your mind when you ran into someone you are attracted to in less than a matter of a second.
Literature, poetry, and music have followed this line for centuries by personifying this abstract and yet so powerful concept we called “love” in several ways.
What is poetry?, you say while you fix in my pupil your blue pupil; What is poetry! And you ask it to me? Poetry… is you. — Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer
Still, for understanding all these emotions in romantic love, we should start taking a look at the brain instead of the heart — or more accurately the chemistry that runs it.
Our social behavior is controlled by chemicals
Physiologically speaking, our feelings, actions, and thoughts are the result of a release of chemicals that are transported as a string of molecules called peptides or ligands that bind to a specific receptor that causes a range of reactions in the complex and interconnected physical structure of our body.
Due to recent research, this biochemical process has been proved to happen in virtually every process in all systems of the human body from the digestive and immune system to the endocrine and nervous system — the latter two playing a primary role when in a romantic relationship.
Having in mind the previous explanation, this must be said: the brain is the control room, with the spinal cord and nerves acting as pathways that carry our responses to the world around us to other organs and vice versa. In the case of love, it is not different.
Now, how do these sets of feelings are generated in our brains? Because of the 86 billion nerve cells (neurons) present in this enigmatic and intricate structure. Let’s clarify.
Neurons are interconnected with each other by “synapses” — small junctions between the tips of the “axon” (the tail of a neuron) and the “dendrites” at the head of the other nerve cell.
Neurons communicate with each other by transmitting electrical signals to another neuron and this one to another until reaching a certain region of the brain in a process called “neurotransmission”.
However, here comes a clue actor for this series of impulses to happen: neurotransmitters.
As a general concept, neurotransmitters are chemical messengers that either channel an electrical signal from one neuron to another, known as an excitatory transmitter; or block the chain and prevent it from being transmitted, also labeled as an inhibitory transmitter.
No matter which neurotransmitter is, the course of action is the same. In neurotransmission, they are carried in tiny capsules (vesicles) and then shed into the synapse in order to bind to the subsequent nerve cells’ receptors.
But, what reactions will be triggered from the neurotransmitters? And how is it related to love? Well, now let’s dive into which hormones intervene in each stage of romantic love.
Lust — Evolutionary Sex Drive
Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution. — Theodosius Dobzhansky
This statement that we deny to accept holds more truth and an explanation for the evolution of love. Like it or not, the sex drive (libido) developed in every species — yes, including humans — for the need to reproduce and pass on our genes to continue the long line of our species.
Lust can be defined as desire towards someone to achieve sexual gratification, and the hypothalamus in the core of our brain plays a vital role.
The hypothalamus is responsible for maintaining the body’s internal balance (homeostasis) and the stimulation for the release of hormones. Testosterone and estrogen from the reproductive organs for instance.
We need to make something clear. The hormones testosterone and estrogen are present in both males and females, it is a misconception to label them solely to one sex.
Nonetheless, they are found in distinct levels.
It is known that testosterone increases the libido in both sexes, but the effects produced by the hormone are less far-reaching in women than in men. On the other hand, during the menstrual cycle when women ovulate, they report being more sexually motivated at the time when estrogen levels are at their peak.
Based on this, it is concluded that love does not begin in your heart, but the brain.
Attraction — Passionate, Or Obsessive, Love
In this stage, the person starts to feel something for him or her loved one apart from a simple and primitive sexual desire, some people may say is when the real love takes place and the best moments of a relationship happen.
Here we ponder for long periods feel pleasure for just being near the beloved.
It is connected with the “reward pathway”, certain brain structures that control an individual’s responses to natural and artificial rewards (e.g. food, drugs, sex, money). The parts of our brain that comprised the system communicate principally by using three neurotransmitters.
Dopamine, popularly labeled as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, is released from the hypothalamus during the novel and reinforces experiences such as gambling or smoking. When you are in the throes of passionate love your dopamine level goes up and makes you in this case being addicted or obsessed with your partner.
In fact, dopamine has been reported to enhance, and shift, your focus in a flexible way derived from your recent exposure to the environment.
At least now we understand why we cannot get that person out of our head and concentrate on nothing when is in the same room.
Noradrenaline and serotonin, two neurotransmitters responsible for our “fight or flight response when facing stressful situations but in attraction their role is different.
Noradrenaline is responsible for our feelings of restlessness and preoccupation towards the one we are in love with to the level of even losing our appetite and sleep. On the other hand, serotonin levels are reduced which leads to rumination and makes us think about our partner in a longing way.
Curiously, people who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder also have low levels of this neurotransmitter.
Attachment — Stage Of Long-Term Relationships
If you have reached this part then, congratulations! The last two stages have passed and your relationships have survived so far.
As expected, the bond between you and your partner should be really strong while other feelings apart from desire and romance have come to the scene such as friendship, trust, safety, parent-infant bonding, etc.
The predominant neurotransmitter here is oxytocin, also nicknamed the “cuddle hormone”. Oxytocin is secreted by the hypothalamus during intercourse, breastfeeding, and labor.
Those events, although different from each other, have in common the intense bonding you develop with that special person which is the prime distinction between this stage and the others.
A Path Of Roses? Let’s Get The Big Picture.
To synthesize this journey, let’s break it down:
- We first grow the feeling of desire towards someone with the hormones testosterone and estrogen.
- We fall in love, moving away from the primitive sense of lust and we are able to long for the mere company of our beloved, dopamine plays the starring role in this scene
- Finally, a long-term relationship comes in hand with social bonding and oxytocin helps in this matter due to the effects it unleashes.
Let’s be honest, everything depicted until now seems a bit too idyllic: the neurotransmitters that drive our behavior make us feel good, rewarded, and close to our romantic partners.
However, what happens in our brain is much more complex and there are downsides to feeling “in love”.
For instance, the release of the hormone vasopressin makes us stressed and addicted because, to some degree, thinking constantly about your partner is quite a stressful condition.
Moreover — in the first stages of romantic love — while brain regions that drive lust, obsession, and motivation, other parts of your brain that are in charge of cognitive processes are shut down.
One of these is the prefrontal cortex which is linked with decision-making, emotion regulation, and planning ahead. This is the reason why so many fall in love with completely different people who are already married, live on the other side of the planet, or have different plans for the future from yours.
We should not also forget the reward neurotransmitter dopamine that acts in both good (i.e. falling in love) and bad events (i.e. snorting cocaine or gambling).
In the end, even though we know love is driven by neurotransmitters and can be felt throughout our body, there’s still not enough research to determine its true meaning and to have a deep understanding of how it happens.
As it is still a mystery, that part is up to us.
