Here’s the thing, I believe in optimal health. I believe that we are meant to feel good in our bodies, experience fragrance of mind, body, spirit; feel pleasant-feel awake-feel alive.
When I was diagnosed with bi-polar I, I couldn’t comprehend. To be labeled as having a mental imbalance, a disease, just didn’t feel right. I remember going to the doctor after two years of feeling acutely depressed, and thinking, “What, this can not be.”
That year in 2013, I struggled for two years, on and off different combinations of anti-depressant medication, each one making me feel less and less like the wholesome person I used to be. But, that is the thing about mental health, you will never feel the way you “used to be”, you will only feel the way you want to be, or the way you allow yourself to be. +
It took up until’ 2015, for me to feel good, to feel better. It was a combination of a lot of things, and I’m not going to say it was easy. A lot of it had to do with getting out of the house, engaging with others, and staying creatively active. But, staying true to the fact that I knew the medications were not for me, did have its impact and in some way, lead me to what started to feel right. In the Summer of 2014, I went to an Acupuncturist for the very first time. What was different about that was 1. It was my decision, and my decision alone, 2. I had always felt sub- subconsciously more attuned to Eastern practices, albeit my western upbringing. After that session, things began to shift dramatically. I felt in alignment.
To feel in alignment, is a gift, as well as a divine birth right. It is to feel one’s purpose, and to have a creative trust to know that all things are interconnected and that we are put here for the purpose of love, and co-creation. This is our core nature and our core desire.
I felt this after my Acupuncture session, and I felt it as a continued on what began as an innate atunement to Ayurveda. I began eating differently, picking up on the colors of food, I began painting differently, and I began living a lifestyle of more interconnectivity that allowed everything to flow more authentically.
But in 2016, I struggled again. As the weather shifted in October and it began to get more cold, my constitution could not handle the shift. I became really imbalanced, and things started to fall apart. I couldn’t communicate clearly, I made promises’ I couldn’t keep, and I lost sight of my goals.
What I am learning is the importance of trust, and the art of passing the baton. There are a lot of layers in life, and it can be a trick of the mind to think that we are meant to carry everything on our own. This is something I am still learning.
Some of us our fortunate enough to have the tribe mentality already instilled, some of us have to learn it along the way, but all of us have it ingrained.
The beauty, and synchronicity of life is what guides me, and enables me to see my larger purpose, and what I call, dharma.
I do believe we each have a unique code, and mine has glimmered on many occasions. I am enigmatic and out going, I bring people together, I inspire people, and I push them to be their most authentic selves. I have a Fine Art series, titled Nerieda’s Odyssey that tells the story of an ancient sea goddess, and depicts the divine innate healing system, an art collective called Girlometry, that is in development as a story that brings the collaboration and the music making process to light, and four traditional hand-drawn children’s books in the making.
Feeling an entrepreneurial spirit, but not coming from a background of entrepreneurs is my hurdle. I can feel the magnitude of my work, and I can see in my minds eye the amount of people I want to reach, but there are still parts missing.
I tend, most annoyingly, to see all the areas where I messed up, where I went wrong, and am really good at over analyzing them, and bringing them to the surface. I am learning; how to focus on the accomplishments- on the areas of success and progress, and how to expand on them.
At 31, I feel a great need and desire to truly tune in to the inner working of my body. I want to be able to feel more deeply, communicate most authentically and truly amplify the gifts I’ve been given.
I want a deeper relationship with myself, and in turn deeper relationships with others.
For this reason, I am choosing to lean in more, and connect with Ayurvedic medicine, and the Ayurvedic Medical community. I truly believe there is great strength in this and am looking forward to making this the building blocks of my foundation.
